So, I have a cat. His name is Poe. Anyone who follows me across any of my 300 social media networks knows that I have a cat named Poe, but since I hadn’t blogged in a while I thought it would be wise to start with what you may have missed.
So, here goes.
The past few months have been awesome and fun and life-altering and hilarious and stressful and heartbreaking and awful.
The following message popped up in my inbox a few days ago:
I think I just figured out that I’m gay or maybe bi? I’m not sure what I am. I don’t really expect you to figure it out for me. I was just wondering though if you had some advice for a girl just starting out in the gay world? Anything would be helpful!
Mostly I wanted to reach through the screen and hug this person. I wish there was some sort of Welcome Package.
I’m iffy about giving advice, because advice is usually just an opinion and an opinion is entirely shaped by a person’s personal experiences. And my experiences may not be your experiences and what has worked for me may not work for you. That’s my longwinded way of saying I don’t really feel comfortable offering advice. At least not in the “this is what you should do” kind of way.
But I’d recommend sites like Autostraddle, and Lesbicanarias as good starting places to find information, like-minded people, articles of interest, and things that may lead you to other great and wonderful things. That’d be my “Too Long, Didn’t Read” answer to the question.
The long answer is that I’m always happy to share whatever nuggets of wisdom I’ve acquired while fumbling my way through life these past 31 years. And I shall share these insights with you now at no extra charge.
I meant to write this post a couple of months ago (like around my birthday) but I kept putting it off. It’s so much easier to ramble on about nothing. Occasionally, though, I like to ramble on about something. So here goes something…
Trying to remember what I was doing before I left on the trip
Feeling all over the place
Aiming to get organized
My grandpa is doing better. When I left him he was playing Bingo at the Veteran’s Hospital. They’d moved him down from emergency, but he has to stay at the hospital until they finish his antibiotics treatment. He should be headed home to my grandma soon.
During the trip I …
Went to my dentist (yes my dentist is in PR) and finally got my tooth fixed. It had been bothering me for months and I didn’t get a chance to go on my last visit.
Finally got my hair cut. I’m still trying to decide if I like it. However, it’s nice to have shorter hair again. It was down to my lower back and now it’s at my shoulders.
Got to spend time with my mom and grandma and of course my grandpa. We went to see him every day.
It was an unexpected/unplanned trip, but I’m always grateful to spend time with my family. I’m incredibly relieved that my grandpa’s doing better. So it turned out to be a pretty nice trip in the end.
And now I’m back in Lyon, where the weather is a bit gloomy. I know I’m getting old because the flying absolutely killed me. I ache everywhere. Ah, youth. Where did it go?
In other news…
As I was packing to leave for PR, I received an email from Karman at AfterEllen asking if they could feature my Lost Girl recaps at AE, and of course I said yes. So you’ll be seeing more Lost Girl coverage from me both here and there.
Open Blog Monday is still happening, so send me your links/videos/announcements/etc. and I will be happy to post them. A few of you emailed me about future projects. Whenever you’re ready to announce them, just send them my way.
Lost Girl recap 1.07: Tomorrow or Wednesday
Rizzoli & Isles Twitter: Tomorrow (assuming there’s a scene tonight. I haven’t checked the feed this week).
Las Aparicio recap: Thursday
I’d aimed to make November National Novel Editing Month so I could get TBSOL prepped and ready, but half the month is gone and I’ve barely managed to get through the first chapter. So I think I have failed at NaNoEdMo. All the same, Project: Edit TBSOL is very much at the top of my priority list.
Rayne, Writing, etc.
I’m trying to find a good balance between writing recaps, editing TBSOL, writing Rayne, other projects, helping to empty K’s dad’s house, assorted family emergencies, trips, and general life stuff. One of these days, I’ll get it all figured out.
Back when I was fourteen, I asked my mom if it was okay if I stayed up late to write. She said okay and then asked, “But why do you write so much?”
The question caught me off-guard because I’d never thought about it. I’d been writing for four years and I’d never stopped to wonder why. I told her, “I think it’s because I have all of these thoughts in my head and if I don’t write them down I’ll go crazy.”
It was a good enough answer. Maybe, at the time, it was even the right one. But the question stuck with me. I didn’t know why I wrote. I just knew I wanted to keep doing it.
The reasons why I started writing and the reasons why I’m still writing twenty years later are very different. I started writing out of sadness and loneliness. I started writing because I was ten years old and I felt sad and alone and making up fictional characters made me feel… well, less alone.
Do you ever feel like you’re prancing along a beautiful countryside road and everything is perfect and you think, “Wow, this is awesome.” And you smell the fresh air, and you take in the scenery, and you’re happy because you know where you’re going and everything’s great.
But then you spot a raccoon. And for no reason whatsoever you think, “Let me follow that raccoon.” And the raccoon sees you and starts running away and you chase after it, and though a little voice in the back of your head is asking, “What are you doing, you dumbnut?” you keep on chasing the raccoon until you find yourself lost in the woods. Now you can’t find the raccoon. You can’t find your original path. And you have no idea how to get back.
That’s sort of what the past couple of weeks have felt like for me. I’ve been wandering through the woods, chasing raccoons.
Lately, (and by lately I mean over the past several months) I’ve been trying to simplify my life. It’s not that my life is overly complicated by most people’s standards (it’s really not). It’s mainly that I find new and exciting ways to complicate things unnecessarily. I will stress and worry to ridiculous extents, and in the absence of things to worry about, I will make up things to worry about.
I used to lay awake for hours worrying about stuff that hadn’t even happened yet. I am good at driving myself crazy with What-If and Worst-Case scenarios. I’m also really good at beating myself up, and finding creative reasons to consider myself a failure and/or loser. [continue reading…]