Maura tries to play it cool by throwing out some mood-killing words like, “bowel” and “jaundice.”
Jane: You may not casually discuss my privates.
Wait, what? Privates? Does that mean Maura can discuss her privates during a more serious discussion? I mean. What?
Maura chastises Jane for her lack of sophisticated productivity during her three months of inactivity. Indeed, Jane’s apartment looks like it hasn’t been cleaned since the last time some bad guys tore up the place.
Jane: I swear to God if you start cleaning, I will kick you out.
Maura: Is that why you banned your mother?
Jane: Is that what she said? Did she mention that all of her OCD banging and clanking around isn’t restful?
Hmm. Maura and Mrs. Rizzoli call each other up to talk about Jane? They have each other on speed dial? They get together for Sunday brunches and discuss Jane? I guess that’s …totally normal.
Maura is deeply concerned about Jane’s recovery because she’s fully aware that the quicker Jane heals the faster they can … umm. Hold hands.
Maura: Keeping your mind busy aids recovery. Mind … body.
Jane: Mind – business.
Maura: You are my business.
Did she actually… Is that even subtext?
Never mind that. Now there’s touching.
Maura: When was your last bowel movement?
Dr. Maura Isles: She knows romance.
But back to the touching.
Maura: What is that?
Jane: (Heading back to the couch) It’s a get-well present from Korzak and Frost.
Maura: That’s restful? Where’s your uniform? (Off screen, in Jane’s bedroom) Oh! It is disgusting in here!
The beauty of this scene is that it is so incredibly and obviously gay that I don’t even have to say anything about it. Maura’s flying around Jane’s apartment like a worried/horrified girlfriend and Jane’s like, “I’m just going to sit here and enjoy driving you crazy ‘cause you’re so adorable.”
Maura comes back from Jane’s bedroom holding Jane’s police uniform.
Maura: Put this on.
Jane: Makes me look like a man.
Maura: We can do this the easy way or the hard way.
HARD WAY! I mean, what? Seriously, what is subtext anymore?