Today I told K that if I were ever to go into business, I’d open up a café called “Hugs & Coffee.” You’d get coffee and then you could get a free hug to go with it. She said it would probably be awkward to get hugs from a stranger. So I agreed to change the name to “Awkward Hugs & Coffee.” I’d probably hire a big cuddly gay guy to give out the hugs. I’m totally thinking of Ivan from Being Erica. You know who I mean?
Well! I did it. I woke up at 4AM, which is almost a normal time to wake up. I think I’m going to wake up at 5AM every day. It sounds like the sort of hour that would lead to great and wondrous productivity.
The key, I think, is to shake this “out of it” feeling that’s been following me around all week, because I can’t seem to focus on writing.
I think television shows this week are trying to put me in a state of depression. First, The Killing—which is amazing, but horrifying. I know I mentioned it already, but I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s like … did you watch Bad Girls? Some of you I’m sure have. Remember what happened to Yvonne? For those of you going, “What? Who’s Yvonne? What happened to her?” (spoilers—highlight to see) Well, the evil prison guard guy locks her up in this tiny, dead-end space and leaves her there to suffocate and die in an excruciatingly slow way, while all her prison friends think she escaped. Meanwhile, nobody hears her scream…I was traumatized over that for … actually, I’m still traumatized over that. And The Killing is horrifying in that same sort of way. And I think, “Oh, well, it’s fictional.” Except then I read the news. And the horrible things people do. And I think I really shouldn’t read the news. Ever.
Then there’s The Good Wife, which is not horrifying in that same way at all, but is still stabbing at my heart with wooden sporks.
I like good things, you know? Rainbows? Fluffy bunnies? I want life to be rainbows and fluffy bunnies. I know it isn’t. If I were empress of the universe, rainbows and fluffy bunnies would rule the world. I’m sure Anya would disapprove.[1. Anya from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. She thinks bunnies are evil. You should know this.] Also, winged unicorns. I should write a book about a world ruled by rainbows, fluffy bunnies and winged unicorns. It would be a riveting tale, of love, laughter and happiness. A story where nothing bad ever happens and everyone is happy all the time. Doesn’t that sound amazing? No? Just me then.
Do you ever feel like you’re prancing along a beautiful countryside road and everything is perfect and you think, “Wow, this is awesome.” And you smell the fresh air, and you take in the scenery, and you’re happy because you know where you’re going and everything’s great.
But then you spot a raccoon. And for no reason whatsoever you think, “Let me follow that raccoon.” And the raccoon sees you and starts running away and you chase after it, and though a little voice in the back of your head is asking, “What are you doing, you dumbnut?” you keep on chasing the raccoon until you find yourself lost in the woods. Now you can’t find the raccoon. You can’t find your original path. And you have no idea how to get back.
That’s sort of what the past couple of weeks have felt like for me. I’ve been wandering through the woods, chasing raccoons.
1. I’m sorry to say there won’t be a Las Apariciorecap today, but I will have it up either Monday or Tuesday. Apologies on the delay.
2. Did you watch Lip Service? What did you think? I’m not going to do a recap because better people than me are already on the job (eurOut, AfterEllen, Lesbicanarias), so I’ll just say this: I thought it was awesome. I’ll probably have more thoughts after the second episode, but if you have thoughts on the first I’d love to hear about them. Frankie/Cat or Sam/Cat?
3. K was in Turkey all week and she finally returned today. YAY!
4. I’ve already made her sit through all four episodes of Lost Girl. She’s really picky about TV shows (unlike me, who watches everything), but she said it was “oddly intriguing.” That’s a really high compliment in K-world. Predictably, she fell in love with Lauren pretty much immediately.
5. I was really excited about getting cheeseburgers from the place across the street today because I’d had a really bad craving and they are delicious … but as soon as I unwrapped one I noticed they had CHANGED. THE. CHEESE. From one day to the next they just up and changed the cheese. With no warning. No explanations. The new cheese totally changed the flavor. My awesome cheeseburgers now taste like poopy shit.
There’s a lot of banging in this episode. Not the good kind, unfortunately. And so, we begin this episode in a dark place. I mean, literally in a dark place, although perhaps symbolically it is also a dark place. This show has many layers.
She was such a good girl. And then she discovered lesbianism, painted her hair, hijacked the news and made out with a girl. So, now, obviously, she’s a crack addict. Let that be a lesson to all of you.