Hey you remember last week when Jane and Maura were at Maura’s house and they were all up on each other on the couch and I was like, “Did these two get married or something? Did Jane move in? What is happening?” And then I was like, “Didn’t Jane have her own apartment at some point? Why is she going back to Maura’s? Why is she undressing at Maura’s?”And then on Facebook or Twitter I was like, “I think the Rizzoli family misunderstood the U-haul joke and thought it meant they all had to move in.” And just … do you remember all the gay that was last week’s episode?
Well they topped it this week. I don’t know how that’s even possible but they just turned the Gaymometer all the way up to Ludicrous Gay and shot off into space with rainbows shooting out of their bottoms. One or both may have been dressed as a Pop-Tart.
My goodness, you guys. This episode. It’s like all of the gay from previous episodes coalesced into One Giant Ball of Gay and it rolled and rolled down a Big Gay Mountain until it kerploded into a billion sparkling rainbows.
Was there even any subtext?
Let’s just take a moment.
Let’s just take a moment and look at this.
Because what is happening right here – half a second past the credits – is that Jane and Maura are sitting on a couch that easily sits about twenty people. Only Jane has opted to brave the crack in the middle so that she and Maura can sit so close that their arms are touching. While watching baseball.
On Maura’s TV.
In Maura’s living room.
With Jane’s mother cooking.
In Maura’s kitchen.
Because Jane’s mother lives there now. In Maura’s house.
And Jane is there.
With her feet on Maura’s coffee table.
And Maura don’t care.
Honestly, all I did was pause this episode half a second into it and I feel like I can end this recap here. What more need be said? Really.
You are reading Part 2 of the Rizzoli & Isles 2.01 recap. Part 1 is here.
Then we’re reminded that this isn’t actually a romantic comedy about a medical examiner and a clueless-yet-charming detective (although in my mind that’s precisely what this show is about) and is supposed to be, instead, a show about crime.
So “A’s” cinnamon-bomb goes off, taking Abby with it.
Lt. McBeard rushes to get Jane out of the car for fear that there’s a second bomb somewhere.
All the cops in Boston start rushing out of the building. Maura is among them and she’s screaming, “Jane! Are you okay?”
Maura: I got this.
KEEP CALM. Maura’s got this. She grabs Jane away from Lt. McBeard, because he’s not qualified to administer the proper dosage of TLC.
Maura helps Jane walk away from the middle of the road and toward a stoop across the street so they can sit down … and snuggle. [continue reading…]
I feel that this promo for the second season of Rizzoli & Isles deserves its own post. By the way, for those of you who’ve been asking me: I am most probably going to recap the first season episodes of Rizzoli & Islesthat I missed. At the very least, I will be recapping season 2. Assuming season 2 is worth recapping.
I’m not sure if anyone’s noticed, but I keep very odd hours. This is due to the fact that sometimes I can’t fall asleep at night and then end up falling asleep during the day. And then the cycle continues and I forget what the sun looks like. The point is: I need to fix my sleeping schedule again.
I used to fix it by staying up all day and then crashing at like 9pm or so. Now I’m too old and can’t manage to get through not sleeping for a full day, so the new goal is to screw up my sleeping schedule so much that it eventually rights itself. Just go with it.
Yesterday, I fell asleep around 5:30PM and woke up at 1AM. If I can stay up until 8PM today, then I think we’ll be back on track, more or less.
Oh! I have a thing to share, in case you haven’t seen it.
The other night I watched a really terrible movie called Racket Girls. Well, technically, it was an MST3K episode, but I still had to sit through this terrible movie. It was so terrible that even with the snarky commentary, I wanted to turn it off and run screaming into the woods, naked. Don’t judge me.
You know when people eat something, and it’s horrible, and they go, “THIS IS REVOLTING!” Then they follow it up with, “Here, try some.” Well…
Here—watch a clip of this terrible movie:
70 minutes of uninterrupted action!
Now that I’ve wasted [insert amount of time you lasted] seconds/minutes of your life, I’ll tell you what I did to regain my sanity:
Do you ever feel like you’re prancing along a beautiful countryside road and everything is perfect and you think, “Wow, this is awesome.” And you smell the fresh air, and you take in the scenery, and you’re happy because you know where you’re going and everything’s great.
But then you spot a raccoon. And for no reason whatsoever you think, “Let me follow that raccoon.” And the raccoon sees you and starts running away and you chase after it, and though a little voice in the back of your head is asking, “What are you doing, you dumbnut?” you keep on chasing the raccoon until you find yourself lost in the woods. Now you can’t find the raccoon. You can’t find your original path. And you have no idea how to get back.
That’s sort of what the past couple of weeks have felt like for me. I’ve been wandering through the woods, chasing raccoons.