Hey you remember last week when Jane and Maura were at Maura’s house and they were all up on each other on the couch and I was like, “Did these two get married or something? Did Jane move in? What is happening?” And then I was like, “Didn’t Jane have her own apartment at some point? Why is she going back to Maura’s? Why is she undressing at Maura’s?”And then on Facebook or Twitter I was like, “I think the Rizzoli family misunderstood the U-haul joke and thought it meant they all had to move in.” And just … do you remember all the gay that was last week’s episode?
Well they topped it this week. I don’t know how that’s even possible but they just turned the Gaymometer all the way up to Ludicrous Gay and shot off into space with rainbows shooting out of their bottoms. One or both may have been dressed as a Pop-Tart.
My goodness, you guys. This episode. It’s like all of the gay from previous episodes coalesced into One Giant Ball of Gay and it rolled and rolled down a Big Gay Mountain until it kerploded into a billion sparkling rainbows.
Was there even any subtext?
Let’s just take a moment.
Let’s just take a moment and look at this.
Because what is happening right here – half a second past the credits – is that Jane and Maura are sitting on a couch that easily sits about twenty people. Only Jane has opted to brave the crack in the middle so that she and Maura can sit so close that their arms are touching. While watching baseball.
On Maura’s TV.
In Maura’s living room.
With Jane’s mother cooking.
In Maura’s kitchen.
Because Jane’s mother lives there now. In Maura’s house.
And Jane is there.
With her feet on Maura’s coffee table.
And Maura don’t care.
Honestly, all I did was pause this episode half a second into it and I feel like I can end this recap here. What more need be said? Really.
We begin our tale in the woods. A girl is running, running just as fast as she can. We know she’s in trouble because she’s in her pajamas in the middle of the woods and she’s out of breath and the camera is shaking about all dramatically. And did I mention she’s in the woods?
If it weren’t for the “Rizzoli & Isles/TNT” logo on the right-hand side of the screen, I would’ve mistaken this for the opening of the pilot episode of The Killing.
The girl’s assailant catches up to her, they tumble to the ground, there’s some screaming, a burly dude comes out of his nearby trailer home. He yells and runs toward them. There’s some light stabbing. The villain runs off.
The heroic dude falls to his knees and cries out for help. A squirrel glances in his direction then scampers off. A deer yawns. A bird squawks as if asking, “Who are you talking to?”
Here we are again at the end of another 30 day challenge. Can you believe it? I can’t.
The photo challenge was … I won’t say a success because that would imply that I wowed you daily with my superior photo-taking prowess and that would be exaggerating things a little. Let’s just say I managed to take a picture every day for 30 days and that’s a Yay-thing.
Anyway, the “questions” challenge sort of fizzled out there at the end due to the fact that I didn’t get around to blogging over the weekend. I’ve got 99 excuses but a good one ain’t one. I did, however, get a flurry of questions once I asked for questions and I intend to answer every single one. It’ll be less of a daily challenge, and more of a “Imma just answer your questions, k?” thing. IJAYQK? for short.
First, a quick heads up. The Lost Girl cast is taking over the @lostgirlseries account this week and will be answering your deepest, darkest questions via Twitter. Depending on when you’re reading this, you might catch your faevorite LG actor online. Zoie Palmer is on as of my typing this.
The Twitter take-over schedule is as follows:
Monday – Lauren
Tuesday – Hale
Wednesday – Trick
Thursday – Dyson
Friday – Bo
I’ll try to catch as many of them as I can, but I admit I’m a little busy preparing for Cataclysm. Today, though, I’m taking a break from World of Warcraft to recap 1.08. So, let’s get to it!
First, some good news: Lost Girl has been officially picked up for a second season. Hooray! Not sure what that means for Lauren’s character, but at least we’ll have our favorite succubus around for a while longer. Hopefully, with our favorite insatiably curious human doctor in tow.
In the meantime, there’s episode seven, which is chockfull of Lauren.
I just finished watching last night’s episode of Lost Girl and I feel compelled to recap the awesomenes because after what feels like a very, very long wait, we finally got a Lauren-centric episode. If you missed my Lost Girl intro post, have never watched the show, and don’t mind spoilers: read that first.
If you don’t feel like clicking, here’s pretty much all you need to know about the show:
So, where were we, my friends? Ah. Right. Julia Aparicio’s villainous plan to get Mariana and Armando to agree on a polyamorous relationship worked out exactly as she’d hoped. And she didn’t even need the sharks with laser beams attached to their heads!
Soon, she will return to her evil lair to cross “get a lesbian and a sex addict to agree that sharing me with each other is a fabulous idea” off her bucket list.
But first, it’s time to lay some ground rules. Since Julia took Alma’s workshop, she’s now an expert on the subject of trios and the like and will tell us how it’s done.
Julia Aparicio’s Rules to a Healthy & Happy Polyamorous Relationship:
1. All three parties must spend lots of time together.
2. They must all get to know each other really well.
3. They must develop trust and tolerance.
4. They must learn to deal with situations and things that would normally not be tolerated. For example: jealousy over seeing her with the other.
Doesn’t that sound fun? Mariana wants to jump out of a window right about now. But Armando’s warming up to the idea.
There’s a lot of banging in this episode. Not the good kind, unfortunately. And so, we begin this episode in a dark place. I mean, literally in a dark place, although perhaps symbolically it is also a dark place. This show has many layers.
She was such a good girl. And then she discovered lesbianism, painted her hair, hijacked the news and made out with a girl. So, now, obviously, she’s a crack addict. Let that be a lesson to all of you.
Las Aparicio is sort of like … if you take Desperate Housewives and you kill off all the men and call it something entirely different, like: Lots of Widows and a Confused Lesbisexual. I’m sure that was one of the titles they threw around before settling on Las Aparicio. Aparicio is the family name. And it’s all about the women. Let’s meet the Fab Four:
Rafaela Aparicio – Matriarch, widow three times over, and badass rich lady. She’s all feminist wisdom and attitude. She’s all, “Grrrls, we don’t need no men. Burn them bras! RAWR!” But waaaay more subtle than that. Cause she’s a lady. But she will cut you.
Alma Aparicio – She’s the eldest daughter. She one of those people that makes you feel really unproductive and like you haven’t done anything with your life. She’s a doctor (PhD not MD) and she owns a gallery and she runs a male escort service and she teaches classes. See? Don’t you feel like a loser?
Mercedes Aparicio – Mercedes is the mother of one bratty pre-adolescent girl named Isadora, who will probably grow up to be awesome like her mother but isn’t quite there yet. Mercedes is recently widowed because her husband went on to die while sleeping with another woman. Mercedes is a bit broken and confused and angry at her husband and also angry at men that treat women like crap. I love her sort of a lot.
Julia Aparicio – Julia’s the youngest daughter and so she’s not yet a widow because she hasn’t gotten married yet. But she’s dating a fantastical jerk who sleeps around on her. She’s got a lot of feelings about all of that. But mostly, she’s got a lot of feelings for her awesome lesbian best friend, Mariana.
The story of our beloved las Aparicio begins in the family mansion where there’s a party in full swing. Except, wait, it’s not a party. It’s a wake. It’s a wake for Mercedes’ husband (the one that kicked the bucket while doing the nasty with some other woman). Here is where we learn that the Aparicio women are rumored to be cursed because all of their husbands meet an untimely death. My guess is that Doña Rafaela is a retired wizard from Hogwarts and she put a spell on the family that would protect all the women from assholes. But I doubt it’s a curse. It’s more likely that they all died from being stupid.
Throughout the next two episodes, the following stuff happens:
Isadora, Mercedes’ daughter, is angry and bratty about her father’s death and she naturally blames her mother. Mercedes doesn’t tell her daughter that her father was a lying, cheating jerkazoid. But Mama Rafaela is all like, “The girl needs to learn at an early age that men suck.” (But again, more subtle than that, because she’s classy). And she goes on to tell Isadora that her father couldn’t keep it in the pants. All her daughters are like, “OMG MOM!” But Rafaela stands her ground.
Mercedes goes on to visit her ex-husband’s law firm where she’s met with one of her husband’s partners who is very anxious to buy off her husband’s part of the firm. Mercedes probably would have sold it had the guy not been such a sexist ass. See, Mercedes has a lot of feelings. And they’re angry feelings. She does not, for example, like it when men belittle her, treat her and other women like objects/property, and act like they own the world. So she decides that instead of selling her husband’s shares, she’s going to go back to work (she’s a lawyer) and take his place. This does not go over well and the men in the firm try to intimidate her into walking away, but after an inspiring talk with Rafaela – who essentially tells her to tell them to suck it (but again, classy-like) – she goes back to the firm and makes it clear she’s there to stay.
Meanwhile, Alma is busy juggling her three hundred jobs. One day, after class, one of the women in her class approaches her and they talk for a while. The woman confesses that her husband doesn’t make her feel desired and goes on to admit that she’s got this fantasy about being a prostitute. Alma tells her she can help. We eventually find out that she runs a male escort service. Although, it’s more of a Pleasing Women Through Their Fantasies service. She trains the men herself, which confused me terribly at first, because we see Alma all dressed up in fishnet stockings and other Lady of the Evening-wear, getting picked up off the street by a guy in a car. Then they go to a room where they have sex. And I was like “What is going on here?” But then it all became clear. She was just training the new guy. Duh. The other thing to mention about Alma is that she picked up a guy in a bar and now he’s totally smitten with her and kind of stalking her, but in a sort of sweet way. Sort of.
Okay, enough about Alma and Mercedes (even though they’re awesome). Let’s talk about Julia. And when I say Julia, I mean Julia and Mariana.