It’s a rainy Saturday in Lyon and I’ve been taking advantage of the pooptastic weather to do some digital spring cleaning. Please don’t be alarmed if you’re prancing around my website (as I know you’re wont to do) and things appear as if by magick and then POOF away. You’re not hallucinating. Or maybe you are. I can’t be sure.
It’s May 1st which means K and I will be celebrating our eight year anniversary.
May 1st is a holiday in France and everything is closed/non-operational (the whole country is celebrating us getting together, apparently; so sweet of them) and so we usually go out to celebrate on May 2nd. Not really sure what we’ll do this year. Maybe get really drunk and run naked through the streets of Lyon/get arrested for public misconduct. Or did we do that last year? I can’t remember.
Trying to remember what I was doing before I left on the trip
Feeling all over the place
Aiming to get organized
My grandpa is doing better. When I left him he was playing Bingo at the Veteran’s Hospital. They’d moved him down from emergency, but he has to stay at the hospital until they finish his antibiotics treatment. He should be headed home to my grandma soon.
During the trip I …
Went to my dentist (yes my dentist is in PR) and finally got my tooth fixed. It had been bothering me for months and I didn’t get a chance to go on my last visit.
Finally got my hair cut. I’m still trying to decide if I like it. However, it’s nice to have shorter hair again. It was down to my lower back and now it’s at my shoulders.
Got to spend time with my mom and grandma and of course my grandpa. We went to see him every day.
It was an unexpected/unplanned trip, but I’m always grateful to spend time with my family. I’m incredibly relieved that my grandpa’s doing better. So it turned out to be a pretty nice trip in the end.
And now I’m back in Lyon, where the weather is a bit gloomy. I know I’m getting old because the flying absolutely killed me. I ache everywhere. Ah, youth. Where did it go?
In other news…
As I was packing to leave for PR, I received an email from Karman at AfterEllen asking if they could feature my Lost Girl recaps at AE, and of course I said yes. So you’ll be seeing more Lost Girl coverage from me both here and there.
Open Blog Monday is still happening, so send me your links/videos/announcements/etc. and I will be happy to post them. A few of you emailed me about future projects. Whenever you’re ready to announce them, just send them my way.
Lost Girl recap 1.07: Tomorrow or Wednesday
Rizzoli & Isles Twitter: Tomorrow (assuming there’s a scene tonight. I haven’t checked the feed this week).
Las Aparicio recap: Thursday
I’d aimed to make November National Novel Editing Month so I could get TBSOL prepped and ready, but half the month is gone and I’ve barely managed to get through the first chapter. So I think I have failed at NaNoEdMo. All the same, Project: Edit TBSOL is very much at the top of my priority list.
Rayne, Writing, etc.
I’m trying to find a good balance between writing recaps, editing TBSOL, writing Rayne, other projects, helping to empty K’s dad’s house, assorted family emergencies, trips, and general life stuff. One of these days, I’ll get it all figured out.
Do you ever feel like you’re prancing along a beautiful countryside road and everything is perfect and you think, “Wow, this is awesome.” And you smell the fresh air, and you take in the scenery, and you’re happy because you know where you’re going and everything’s great.
But then you spot a raccoon. And for no reason whatsoever you think, “Let me follow that raccoon.” And the raccoon sees you and starts running away and you chase after it, and though a little voice in the back of your head is asking, “What are you doing, you dumbnut?” you keep on chasing the raccoon until you find yourself lost in the woods. Now you can’t find the raccoon. You can’t find your original path. And you have no idea how to get back.
That’s sort of what the past couple of weeks have felt like for me. I’ve been wandering through the woods, chasing raccoons.
So, where were we, my friends? Ah. Right. Julia Aparicio’s villainous plan to get Mariana and Armando to agree on a polyamorous relationship worked out exactly as she’d hoped. And she didn’t even need the sharks with laser beams attached to their heads!
Soon, she will return to her evil lair to cross “get a lesbian and a sex addict to agree that sharing me with each other is a fabulous idea” off her bucket list.
But first, it’s time to lay some ground rules. Since Julia took Alma’s workshop, she’s now an expert on the subject of trios and the like and will tell us how it’s done.
Julia Aparicio’s Rules to a Healthy & Happy Polyamorous Relationship:
1. All three parties must spend lots of time together.
2. They must all get to know each other really well.
3. They must develop trust and tolerance.
4. They must learn to deal with situations and things that would normally not be tolerated. For example: jealousy over seeing her with the other.
Doesn’t that sound fun? Mariana wants to jump out of a window right about now. But Armando’s warming up to the idea.
1. I’m sorry to say there won’t be a Las Apariciorecap today, but I will have it up either Monday or Tuesday. Apologies on the delay.
2. Did you watch Lip Service? What did you think? I’m not going to do a recap because better people than me are already on the job (eurOut, AfterEllen, Lesbicanarias), so I’ll just say this: I thought it was awesome. I’ll probably have more thoughts after the second episode, but if you have thoughts on the first I’d love to hear about them. Frankie/Cat or Sam/Cat?
3. K was in Turkey all week and she finally returned today. YAY!
4. I’ve already made her sit through all four episodes of Lost Girl. She’s really picky about TV shows (unlike me, who watches everything), but she said it was “oddly intriguing.” That’s a really high compliment in K-world. Predictably, she fell in love with Lauren pretty much immediately.
5. I was really excited about getting cheeseburgers from the place across the street today because I’d had a really bad craving and they are delicious … but as soon as I unwrapped one I noticed they had CHANGED. THE. CHEESE. From one day to the next they just up and changed the cheese. With no warning. No explanations. The new cheese totally changed the flavor. My awesome cheeseburgers now taste like poopy shit.
Rafaela is busy these days trying to put out fires in all of her daughters’ lives. It’s rough being a meddling mother. She’s got Alma’s relationship with Leonardo to fix. She’s got Mercedes’ latest Crusade for Justice to join in on. She’s got Julia’s lesbisexuality to unearth. When she’s got a spare moment she helps Isadora with her homework and somehow finds enough time to drink her gourmet coffee, light candles for her ex-husbands, and make fun of Iliana for doing yoga. I wish I had her time management skills.
Oh hey, remember when I said Alma was emo because she couldn’t tell Leonardo the truth about her escort business ventures? Well, scratch that, because she finally tells him the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, and at first Leonardo is like, “YOU BIOTCH WHY DID YOU TELL ME YOUR SECRETS AFTER I HAVE BEEN SUBTLY PUSHING YOU TO TELL ME YOUR SECRETS? I WANT TO KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU WHILE REMAINING TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS AT THE SAME TIME. NOW EVERYTHING IS RUINED! RUINED! WOE!”
But then he gets over it, or pretends to get over it, while still having issues with it, and he and Alma get back together and he resigns himself to making passive aggressive comments about her “job.” Mostly, he takes issue with the fact that she has to “initiate” the new escorts (read: sex them up three ways from Sunday). Particularly, he hates that she slept with Alejandro because he’s jealous of Alejandro. This works out really well because as it turns out, Alejandro is super jealous of Leonardo.
Speaking of Alejandro, he was super happy for a while because he was growing closer to Alma and then Alma and Leonardo broke up, so he was even happier, but then Alma and Leonardo got back together and now he’s emo. He and Mariana need to join some sort of club and discuss the unfortunate luck of being loveable, well-adjusted characters in a soap opera.
After going after one of the strongest/wealthiest families in Mexico in order to win rights for a transgender client (and succeeding), Super Mercedes now finds herself with a client who wants to go after the Mexican government. NO PROBLEM. And afterwards, Mercedes will single-handedly plug up the oil leak in the Gulf, close up the sinkhole in Guatemala, and still be home in time to tuck her daughter into bed. Because she’s just that awesome.
Rafaela seems to have warmed up to Leonardo a little, especially now that Alma broke up with him (in episode 20). I don’t think she trusts him, but she keeps seeking him out and is still interested in doing business with him. Maybe she’s bored. Maybe she’s intrigued by him. Maybe they just needed a reason to keep Leonardo around. Maybe all of the above.
Alma is a little emo now because she misses Leonardo but she can’t get back together with him because she can’t tell him about the male escort service. And Leonardo is emo because he misses Alma and has fallen totally in obsession with her and even playing board games with hookers does not alieviate his pain. Woe. He’s frustrated because he knows Alma is hiding something from him but he doesn’t know what it is. His guess is that she’s a prostitute. Ha! Please, sir, have you not met the woman? Lady Alma is nobody’s slore. She runs the place, yo. By the way, Leonardo doesn’t seem to mind too much that he’s actually hiding stuff from Alma, too. Such as, say, that he purposely sought her out because he wanted to know if she had anything to do with Maximo’s death, since, you know, Maximo was Leonardo’s mentor. But whatever. Men are above such things as conscience and guilt.
Alma’s only a little emo, though, because she’s also busy trying to solve other people’s problems. Some lady came to her Women Sexuality class (I still don’t know what exactly it is she teaches, but that sounds accurate enough, given the subject matter), and Alma decides the woman needs some help. So she’s been using Alejandro (male escort extraordinaire) to dig deep into the lady’s psyche. In the process they discover that the woman was molested by her uncle and also that Alejandro was molested as a child.
All in a day’s work for Alma Aparicio.
Ever since Claudio gave Mercedes the name of her dead husband’s mistress, Mercedes can think of nothing else. She debates incessantly over whether or not to call the woman, meet the woman, what to say to the woman, what the woman might look like, etc. This goes on for a couple of episodes, though eventually she does manage to track down the lady – whose name is Olga – and agree to meet up. Oh hai, awkwardness.
Leading up to the meetup, Mercedes (and her sisters) talk ad nauseum about what might happen during that meetup and what the lady might look like and what she’ll say to the lady, etc. Mercedes’ biggest nightmare is that Olga will turn out to be a 20-something wet t-shirt contest winning nymphomaniac Maxim-cover model (or something). As it turns out, Olga is like 30-40% less attractive than Mercedes and is actually a pretty groovy chick who is less anal retentive than Perfect Mercedes Aparicio. They have a nice chat and Mercedes finds out that her husband’s last words were, “If Mercedes finds out, she’ll kill me.” Fitting, I think.
Mercedes is growing closer to Claudio, who has pulled a Helena Peabody-esque personality change and is now a pretty groovy dude.
Julia/Mariana (and Armando)
Okay, so we’re not yet rid of Armando. Perhaps we will never be rid of Armando. Sadness.
Julia and Mariana made up (but not out, unfortunately), and have now joined an acting workshop that disturbs me to the core. But anyway, let’s first isolate the latest plot/conflict (because Armando’s sex addiction seems to have vanished into the void).
For the sake of my sanity, I’m not going to recap every minute detail of everything that’s happened in the past seven episodes because I’ll be here forever. So, I’ll just give a brief overview of everything that’s been going on.
Rafaela has residual guilt over Alma’s husband’s death. She had something to do with him getting shot. I’m not sure whether she shot him herself or if she hired someone to do it. But she keeps seeing his ghost everywhere. Well, not his ghost exactly, but an extension of her conscience which takes the form of Maximo and talks to her randomly. She continues to hate pretty much every male in the vicinity of her daughters. She does, however, like Mariana a whole lot.
Alma’s storyline is all over the place because she’s dating this guy named Leonardo who has a private investigator looking into her life. It seems he knew her dead husband (Maximo) and that at first he suspected she had something to do with his death. He no longer believes that, partly because he’s falling in love with her, and partly because he really doesn’t believe it. He doesn’t trust Rafaela, though, and now has her P.I. friend looking into her instead.
Alma’s daughter, Ileana, is a conservative homophobe that mounts a huge tantrum whenever Mariana is anywhere near her. She’s also against her mother sleeping with men she’s not married to. She had huge issues with Mercedes’ transexual client. And she pretty much is just angry and bitter all the time because she was born into the most open-minded family in the whole of the universe and her idea of “family values” is in direct opposition to theirs. It’s all kind of hilariously ironic. She also got a job working at the coffeeshop in her mother’s gallery where she met Mauro, one of Alma’s male escorts. Of course, Mauro doesn’t know that Ileana is Alma’s daughter. And Ileana has no idea that Mauro has sex for a living. Or that he works for her mother.
In the last couple of episodes, Alma’s storyline has extended to that of helping a woman named Alicia who believes that she is ugly and has no sex appeal. Alma to the rescue.
Alma also sees Maximo’s ghost/conscience-projection thingie everywhere she goes.