There’s a lot of banging in this episode. Not the good kind, unfortunately. And so, we begin this episode in a dark place. I mean, literally in a dark place, although perhaps symbolically it is also a dark place. This show has many layers.
Oh hey! I know her!
She’s Anna from Itty Bitty Titty Committee! Remember when she used to dress like this?
She was such a good girl. And then she discovered lesbianism, painted her hair, hijacked the news and made out with a girl. So, now, obviously, she’s a crack addict. Let that be a lesson to all of you.
Where were we? Ah, yes. The dark place. There are noises here. And there is a man. In a truck. And there’s cocaine, which the man is stealing. And then two other guys show up. And a green apple gets taken hostage. And the guy that stole the cocaine is wearing a wire, which is easily discovered. No one is happy. Especially not the apple.
Stolen cocaine? Check. Wearing a wire? Check. Kidnapped innocent fruit? Check. Dude’s chances of surviv—
Well, nevermind.
The bad guys don’t have a lot of time to admire their handiwork because there’s noises coming from all directions and they opt to GTFO.
Let’s go to a happier place now. Like, the gym. There’s a guy with bulging biceps and Maura is watching him flex those bad boys. Jane… Well…
What’s the proper heterosexual reaction to spotting your “best friend” checking out some guy? Maybe … a) check him out, too or b) smile good-naturedly or c) do something else heterosexual. But we can also go with Jane’s reaction, which is d) open disapproval.
Jane: Maura, you’re staring at Chuck’s biceps…
Maura: I am. Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant males. Natural selection at work.
Jane: You’re making me uncomfortable. Stop.
Maura is happy because her plan to make Jane jealous is working. She takes it a step further and starts shouting flattering medical terminology at the guy, while Jane frowns deeply.
Jane: Why don’t you tell him he’s got a nice ass, too?
Maura takes instructions very well, so she goes ahead and compliments the guy’s Gluteus maximus, while Jane squirms in her exercise machine. Operation: Conquer Jane is well under way, so Maura starts to pack up her things. Jane says it’s only been twenty-minutes, which is code for, “I can’t bear to be apart from you.” But Bass is sick. Remember Bass? Maura’s pet turtle?
Maura: Tortoise.
Right, sorry. Well, anyway, Bass won’t even eat the organic lettuce which means it’s serious.
But first, Maura’s gaze strays down from Jane’s eyes…
Which interestingly does not make Jane uncomfortable at all.
