There’s a lot of banging in this episode. Not the good kind, unfortunately. And so, we begin this episode in a dark place. I mean, literally in a dark place, although perhaps symbolically it is also a dark place. This show has many layers.
Oh hey! I know her!
She’s Anna from Itty Bitty Titty Committee! Remember when she used to dress like this?
She was such a good girl. And then she discovered lesbianism, painted her hair, hijacked the news and made out with a girl. So, now, obviously, she’s a crack addict. Let that be a lesson to all of you.
Where were we? Ah, yes. The dark place. There are noises here. And there is a man. In a truck. And there’s cocaine, which the man is stealing. And then two other guys show up. And a green apple gets taken hostage. And the guy that stole the cocaine is wearing a wire, which is easily discovered. No one is happy. Especially not the apple.
Stolen cocaine? Check. Wearing a wire? Check. Kidnapped innocent fruit? Check. Dude’s chances of surviv—
The bad guys don’t have a lot of time to admire their handiwork because there’s noises coming from all directions and they opt to GTFO.
Let’s go to a happier place now. Like, the gym. There’s a guy with bulging biceps and Maura is watching him flex those bad boys. Jane… Well…
What’s the proper heterosexual reaction to spotting your “best friend” checking out some guy? Maybe … a) check him out, too or b) smile good-naturedly or c) do something else heterosexual. But we can also go with Jane’s reaction, which is d) open disapproval.
Jane: Maura, you’re staring at Chuck’s biceps…
Maura: I am. Females are wired to be attracted to the strongest, most dominant males. Natural selection at work.
Jane: You’re making me uncomfortable. Stop.
Maura is happy because her plan to make Jane jealous is working. She takes it a step further and starts shouting flattering medical terminology at the guy, while Jane frowns deeply.
Jane: Why don’t you tell him he’s got a nice ass, too?
Maura takes instructions very well, so she goes ahead and compliments the guy’s Gluteus maximus, while Jane squirms in her exercise machine. Operation: Conquer Jane is well under way, so Maura starts to pack up her things. Jane says it’s only been twenty-minutes, which is code for, “I can’t bear to be apart from you.” But Bass is sick. Remember Bass? Maura’s pet turtle?
Right, sorry. Well, anyway, Bass won’t even eat the organic lettuce which means it’s serious.
But first, Maura’s gaze strays down from Jane’s eyes…
Which interestingly does not make Jane uncomfortable at all.