Rizzoli & Isles

Rizzoli & Isles Subtexty Recap of 1.09 “The Beast In Me”

I must confess that before hitting “play” on this episode, the following conversation took place:

Me: I’m a little worried there won’t be any subtext in this episode.

K: That’s like … an impossibility.

Heh!

So, we begin with a murder. Just your average, middle-of-the-night, icepick-in-the-brain homicide. La de da. Not to worry, though, because Rizzoli is on the case the very next morn, only she can’t touch the car because they’re still waiting on a warrant because all the judges in Boston are still passed out drunk from last week’s Rizzoli & Isles Drinking Game. So, there’s a traffic jam and there are angry people honking their horns because everyone knows that the sound emitted from a horn while in direct combination with yelling and cursing instantly opens a portal into a magical land where All Your Wishes Come True.

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Rizzoli: Hey, man, shut up!

Grumpy Rizzoli is grumpy. There’s a crime scene, a dead guy, and no Maura.

Rizzoli: Where’s Maura?

Frost: Stuck in traffic.

Rizzoli: She shouldn’t wear high heels to a crime scene.

Someone please explain to me what high heels have to do with getting stuck in traffic. Is there a correlation? Is this the secret to not getting stuck in traffic? Who else knows about this?

Maybe “high heels” is just the secret phrase that makes Maura Isles appear…

Hmm…let’s try it! Damn. That didn’t work.

Anyhoo, Maura shows up looking perfectly perfect with her aura of perfection and the two of them set about doing some hardcore investigative work, which looks exactly like this:

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I say the bad guy did it … in the car … with an icepick. Case solved! How about you two go out now for some coffee … food … kisses and gay love?

No? Okay. Worth a try.

So, “Big ‘Mo” shows up. You know, Big Mo. He tows cars. Rizzoli jumps down his throat because he took forever to get there which probably means he got stuck in traffic which means he must be wearing heels. That explains why he’s called Big Mo. Everything makes sense to me now.

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Big Mo: You can be as bitchy as you like.

Rizzoli: Yeah? What’s the male equivalent of bitchy, huh? Dickey?

Heh. Heh.

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So, the car gets towed back to the precinct and Maura discovers that the dead guy has no fingerprints. They also find a box full of IDs and a notepad full of drawings, which leads them to the instant conclusion that: a) The guy was an identity thief, b) an artist, and c) a genius. Blah blah plot blah.

Over at Maura’s lab, Maura examines the body. It’s been at least five minutes since they last saw each other, which means Rizzoli is probably — oh, yep, there she is. Supersonic DNA results have come in, but there seems to be a problem. The victim’s DNA is almost an exact duplicate of Maura’s. Cross-contamination? Did Maura Isles screw something up? Jane thinks so. Actually, she just wants an excuse to touch Maura.

Rizzoli: Maura, everybody makes mistakes.

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No, Jane. Maura Isles is perfect in every way, which can only mean one thing: the victim is none other than … (drumroll) … MAURA ISLES’ HALF-BROTHER.

GASP.

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18 comments… add one
  • I love Rozzeli and Isles.They are my favorite cop and/gal/pal+show.Of course they are every gay womans dream. I found the Mr and Mrs Smarty Pants video, and was pleasantly surprised. keep up the great work and thanks to all who have downloaded R&I videos for the reat of us to enjoy.Shasha I remember you fron ncis.Gees I’am speaking to you like we are on a first name basis.Jane you are the sexiest female on television.You two make an excellent pair. Question. is there a website I could get a picture of the two of you? Your fan and viewer,MIcheline Kribs,Rolla,MO

  • Shinjini

    I’ve recently read Alix & Valerie and then TBSOL both of which are really fun to read. So, naturally, I decided to read your blogs…and the recaps. I’m commenting here, although I’ve read all the recaps ’cause I only want to say that they’re hilarious! Please do keep writing these when the fourth season comes out.

    There’s a small question: What movie is the second park-bench still from? The one in between I Can’t Think Straight and Imagine Me And You…

  • You need to go on YouTube and look at the season 1 bloopers reel! The park bench scene has them pretending to start making out as well as an accidental boob grab… COMPLETELY validating your sapphic park bench theory! LOL!

  • Okay, seriously, I wish you had done this for the entire season 1. I’ll be watching you like a hawk for season 2! ;P

  • Lalolandia

    isn’t it because when you have high heels, and you are stuck in traffic…by that time she must have get into the crime scene so…that means she can’t come walking because she is surely wearing high heels

    isn’t?

  • Omnomnom

    Loved this. Hilarious!

  • Katie

    Ingrid, this is the *best* subtext review of the EP yet! Double rainbow of Rizziles goodness. You had me in hysterics. My co-workers think I’m nuts lol-ing to myself.

    Dont. Ever. Stop.

    • Hi, Katie! Thank you!!!! I’m glad you enjoyed it! :)

  • Oh Ingrid- you hit it out of the park! Heather and I read this together and laughed our asses off! She now has witnessed for herself the awesomeness in writing that is you! And I do need to read Alix & Valerie one of these days- I suck, but I think I’m still stuck on TBSOL…when will the movie be coming out? ;-)

    -I

    • LOL! The movie will be coming out as soon as I have a cast, a crew, a director, money, and any idea how to go about doing any of it! So … any day now! ;)

      • My exgirlfriend in a couple of years will be Julianne :P she is gorgeus and she agrees

  • Sara

    Oh, one last thing: I blame you for my being hooked on R&I!!! I absolutely love them!

  • Sara

    I so love the way you write, Ingrid! It makes me laugh till tears run down my face! (Although it doesn’t take much to manage that :P)

    I read “The Blind Side of Love” and I absolutely loved it. I still have to read “Alix & Valerie”.

    I have an American friend, who happens to be a Diaz as well, that also writes lesbian novels (well, she just wrote one, but it kind of caught me off guard because she had never mentioned anything related to gay-ness). I will suggest you two being friends on Facebook.

    Well, I wrote too much already. That’s my way of saying “Hi, Ingrid” ^^

    Sara

    P.S. By the way, I’m Spanish, so excuse me if I make any mistakes…

    • Hi, Sara! I’m so glad you enjoyed TBSOL. Thanks for reading it!

      Glad I got you hooked on R&I. :D

      Ingrid

  • The show is a smash hit. A big surprise to me. I guess you can’t argue with it’s success of this kind of police formula.

    My assessment of this summer’s cable TV

  • i sooo want the two of them to kiss. on screen.

  • Azo

    gay

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