Anyhoo, this is a perfect excuse for Jane to go visit Maura at her house.
Jane: You bought that house for your mother to visit. Not mine.
Mother. Future mother-in-law. Same thing, really.
Maura’s more interested in the fact that Jane looks less pained today. She’s like, “You had sex.” Jane’s like, “No. That’s just what we want the three conservative Americans who watch this show to think. The lesbians know better. And so should you. And so should my mom. You and her can discuss it all at your next slumber party.”
Maura: I never got much sleep at slumber parties.
Jane should really know all about that given how often the two of them slept together in season one. But Jane is more preoccupied with the notion of her mother moving in with Maura because when your love interest and your mother become friends … well, you’re basically screwed.
Jane: Whyyyyy? Why are you doing this?
Maura: Because she’s your family.
Duh. They then go on to talk about Catholic guilt and Maura gets all flirty about Jane and her past sins. And then … Dr. Slucky, who’s been hanging out behind the door, waiting for his cue, pops right on into the kitchen.
Jane can’t get out of there fast enough. She tells Maura that she’ll be waiting outside for her cause she’d like to discuss her “pathology findings.”
Mission: Make Jane Jealous – Success!
Maura is watching Jane walk away until Dr. Slucky calls her attention back to him with a suggestive, “Good morning.”
Pretty much what we’re all thinking. Maura’s just doing this to get to you, Jane. This guy probably slept in the guest bedroom.
Alone with her beard, Maura is still all about Jane. “I’m worried about her. She has pain. Shouldn’t she be healed by now? This is seriously impeding my plans for seduction.”
Dr. Slucky: Patients heal at different rates.
Maura: But you don’t know her. (laugh) You know, she had a dislocated shoulder and she still tackled a 200-lb suspect to the ground.
Jesus, Maura. Control your gay. Even Dr. Slucky is catching on.
Dr. Slucky, who’s just figured out his role in this little charade, gets all patronizing because I guess he’s decided to salvage whatever’s left of his ego.
Dr. Slucky: You’re merely a pathologist and she had expert care from a renowned trauma surgeon.
Maura: Are you talking about yourself in the third person?
Dr. Slucky: Are we angry?
Maura: We are. Thank you for reminding me why I don’t date surgeons.
Or men. You know. Whatever.
Back at the lab, plot-related things have been happening in the background. Turns out that Abby was shot in Afghanistan by a fellow American soldier and was trying to hide the fact. McBeard isn’t happy with the news because it doesn’t mash up with what he wants to believe. So he’s all, “NO ME GUSTA.” And scampers off.
Maura: That was awkward.
Jane: You think?
Now alone, as it should be, Maura and Jane continue to discuss the case. Jane decides to put in a call to Abby’s ex-boyfriend. Maura decides this is a really good time to get all up-close and personal on Jane.
Maura: You’re not cleared for active duty. I’m going with you.
Jane: You’re not a detective.
Maura: Oh. Well, technically, neither are you.