Rizzoli & Isles

Rizzoli & Isles 2.01 “We Don’t Need Another Hero” Subtexty Recap (2/2)

From here we jump to Yucksville. Population: 2.

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Boys have cooties, Jane. We learned that in Kindergarten.

McBeard and Jane then flirt with each other in the most non-hot way possible. He’s all, “You and Abby have a lot in common. Except she was girly and you’re not.” And Jane’s all, “Wow, no one’s ever said something so hot and spicy to me before. I can be girly, though.” And he’s like, “Girl, you just opened that beer bottle with your teeth. But that’s cool. I’m into it. In fact that’s what I like most about you. You remind me of a crustacean. A non-girly crustacean.”

At this point I think Jane would have more chemistry with the crustacean. Because what? Even? The fuck?

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We’re meant to think this is cute and sexy or something. But it’s really just a whole lot of no. What I got from this is that: Jane + any guy = WTF. And also crabs.

Then, inexplicably, there’s some kissing. And it’s about as hot as the North Pole.

The next morning, Mrs. Rizzoli wanders into Jane’s bedroom and finds her like:

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Mama Rizzoli is seriously not happy about finding a man in Jane’s bed. And I’m not quite sure why she’s so not happy about this, given that last season she was all about Jane finding a man. But I guess now she’s a secret member of Team Maura. So she tosses some clothes at Jane and storms off.

In the kitchen, Angela’s like, “Oh so you’re too sick to clean up after yourself but not to do the nasty?”

Jane starts to explain that they didn’t actually have sex because eww –McBeard is a boy. They just fell asleep talking about about beer and the Red Sox.

Oh. Okay, then. They then talk about Jane’s father and how Mr. Rizzoli left Angela with nothing. And walked out. And basically men suck.

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Jane offers to let her mom stay with her … but … wait for it. Wait for it…

Mrs. Rizzoli: That’s very nice of you but uh … Dr. Isles offered me her guest house.

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Jane: What?

Well played, Dr. Isles. Well played. Keep your love interest close and your love interest’s mother closer.