Rizzoli & Isles

Rizzoli & Isles 2.01 “We Don’t Need Another Hero” Subtexty Recap (1/2)

Note: Hi all! I went a little overboard with this recap (oops) so I had to break it down into two posts.
You are reading Part 1 | Jump to Part 2

On the last Rizzoli & Isles, Jane Rizzoli shot herself in the side, so she could kill the bad guy, save the day, and show Maura Isles that Big Biceps Chuck may be fit, but Jane Rizzoli is still the strongest, and most dominant of them all.

And so, after an incredibly long hiatus, we’re finally back with our favorite crime-fighting duo.

But first, “A” from Pretty Little Liars shows us how to build a bomb.

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“…and you add a sprinkle of cinnamon – my personal recipe. Then BAM! A shot of tequila. And you’re done. Now remember kids: Do try this at home. Next time on My Drunk Evil Lair, I’ll teach you how hoodies and gloves make the perfect fashion accessory for any occasion…”

We also learn that Jane Rizzoli is being honored at a police shindig later that evening. My guess is that A’s tequila bomb will probably blow up somewhere in the vicinity of that.

Anyhoo, Maura’s in her apartment, dressed to impress Jane. She’s randomly flashbacking to that most terrible of days: the day she was forced to perform complex surgical procedures without the proper tools. It was traumatizing.

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Oh and Jane almost died, too. That was pretty sucky.

Speaking of Jane. She greets Maura at the door like this:

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Which I think means, “Where have you been? It’s been like a whole thirty minutes since we’ve been near each other!”

And Maura greets Jane like:

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Which I think means, “I wanna do you.”

But what comes out of Maura’s mouth is actually:

Maura:  You look terrible.

Which isn’t even true because Angie Harmon can’t really pull off looking “terrible.” She can pull off, maybe, looking semi-human. And even as she’s telling Jane that she looks terrible, Maura’s still looking at Jane’s boobs.

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Which brings us back to Maura really saying, “I wanna do you.”

We’re only a minute and 24 seconds into this episode and I’m not sure there’s enough time in the world to capture all the gay that is this show. I’m not sure there’s enough time in the world to fully capture all the gay that is this scene.

If these two are supposed to be straight, then I guess I’m straight and straight is the new gay.

Jane: Even you would look bad if a bullet had gone through you.

To paraphrase: “You’re so hot that it would take a bullet ripping through your body and months of rehabilitation to make you look less than stunning.”

Aww, Jane!