The other day, I caught myself thinking that I was bored of the Internet. Then I realized that by “the Internet” I meant social media, and I wondered when it was that “going online” became logging into Twitter, and Facebook, and Instagram, and all the rest. What did I do online before all that?
It occurs to me that I don’t really know what’s up with most of the people I consider friends. They’re all spread across different parts of the world. To learn about their lives I have to log onto Facebook, and scroll through whatever content an algorithm decides I should see, and from there I learn that so-and-so went out to dinner, or someone else posted a meme, or someone else’s kid looked cute today, and so on and so forth. Is that what connecting means these days? Sharing a few, selected pieces of our lives and scattering them across the digital landscape in the hopes of getting a like, or a heart, or even — dare we hope (or fear) — a comment?
The Internet has forced us to become the editor-in-chief of our own life, and I’ve never been very good at that. I’m bad at picking and choosing what to share, what filter to use, how to caption things. I’m 100% sure almost nobody knows anything about me anymore because I can’t really figure out what’s important to share. I retweet a lot. I’ve gotten good at letting other people say the things I’m too afraid to.
I miss saying things. I’ve been wanting to resurrect this blog for a long time, only I kept facing the same question: what to say? A funny thing happens when you fall silent for a long time, you kind of lose your voice. I thought I’d blog again when I found it again, except I can’t find it without writing.
So here I am.
I promised myself that this year I would write more, and give fewer f*cks about the things that don’t matter, and I’m working on both of those things. I promised myself, too, that I’d do more sharing, but so far, I’ve been unsuccessful at motivating myself to do that. Mostly because I haven’t wanted to add to the noise, which really just means I still give too many f*cks about what people think.
I’m not sure what’s important to share, but I’m starting to realize it doesn’t really matter. I suppose that’s the beauty of having a blog, it’s your own semi-private oasis. I hope to make the best of it again.