First, some good news: Lost Girl has been officially picked up for a second season. Hooray! Not sure what that means for Lauren’s character, but at least we’ll have our favorite succubus around for a while longer. Hopefully, with our favorite insatiably curious human doctor in tow.
In the meantime, there’s episode seven, which is chockfull of Lauren.
We kick off the episode over at Bo’s humble abode, where Kenzi is trying to get her flirting on with the pizza delivery boy.
Bo’s saunters in, immediately stealing Kenzi’s spotlight and any chance she’d had of getting it on with Mr. Pizza. Bo’s not interested in him, though, and quickly ushers him out the door. Toodles.
Kenzi’s not happy that she can’t get her groove on with the delivery dude and the two of them start bickering like an old married couple. The argument is about Kenzi leaving dirty dishes around and Bo leaving deadly weapons around.
Bo: You know what? This is our first fight? Our first real fight.
Kenzi: Mazel tov?
Bo: It’s like we’re real-life sisters.
Kenzi: For walking Viagra you’re such a nerd.
Is anyone shipping these two yet?
We’re then whisked away to an unfamiliar house, where two elderly sisters live. There’s some bickering going on there, too. Or at least some nagging. One is upset at the other because she didn’t lock the front door and apparently there’s been some bad stuff happening in the neighborhood. Not to worry, though, the lady’s armed and ready.
Unfortunately, her sister’s also armed, and she’s sick of the nagging.
Death by knitting needle is an unfortunate way to go. I’m glad Canada is taking it upon itself to teach us the dangers of arts and crafts. You better hide your kids. Hide your wife.
Oh, nevermind, it wasn’t the knitting thread that was evil. It was actually the big giant spider inside. That’s a relief. It’s safe to scrapbook. Just grab some bug spray.
Back at pleasure palace, Kenzi’s getting ready for an outing and Bo’s feeling clingy.
Kenzi: You’re meeting Lauren for drinks later…
Kenzi: … so you don’t have to come with me.
Kenzi: It’s just business. A little side venture.
Kenzi: Have you seen my dreamcatcher?
Kenzi: No! My big one.
Bo: Ohh, I am so coming for this, whatever this is.
Kenzi: Just … be cool.
The two of them head on over to the big spider’s house, which is now for sale. They’re greeted at the door by the real estate agent, whose name (I believe) is Cheryl Fields. Hard to say.
Inside, we’re treated to a cleansing ritual, written, choreographed and performed by Kenzi the Shaman.
Kenzi: Please to shut up and light the sage stick.
Shaman Kenzi’s abilities include: cleansing homes of bad spirits, speaking in a Russian accent and yelling a lot of nonsense while spazzing about frantically.
I admit I fell off the couch laughing during this scene.
Outside, Hale and Dyson are canvassing the neighborhood because Dyson suspects a dark Fae is at play here. Hale doesn’t think so, but he’s not the leading male character so he’s probably wrong.
Inside Casa de Massacre, Kenzi is finishing up her one woman show and it looks like she’s already garnered enough popularity to warrant a stalker.
Dyson and Hale are waiting by Bo’s car and we’re subjected to eyeroll-worthy flirting between Bo and Dyson. Dyson asks for Bo’s help.
Later, at Trick’s bar, the two of them sip beer and discuss the case. Apparently, there’s been a string of murder-suicides in the same neighborhood and that makes Detective McFurrypaws suspicious.
Finally, Lauren shows up.
Lauren: Hey, stranger. Am I late or early?
Dyson’s about as happy to see Lauren as Lauren is to see Dyson, which is to say, not even a little bit.
Bo: (to Dyson) We had plans.
Dyson: Oh yeah? Doctor-patient stuff?
Lauren: Just being social. Were you leaving?
Oh, if only.
Dyson: What and miss this?
On a scale of one to awkward, this is all pretty awkward. Dyson is enjoying making things awkward and Lauren is probably wishing she had Fae powers so she could wipe the smug look off his face.
Bo: So, we’ve never done this before, huh? Just the three of us. Like a threesome. Not that I’ve thought about it that way or anything… wow.
Yep, pretty much.
Meanwhile, Kenzi gets bitten by the evil dark Fae spider lounging at the bottom of her purse, while chilling with Hale.
But back to Awkwardsville.
Lauren and Dyson exchange passive-aggressive remarks, while Bo sits in the middle trying to find a way to ease the tension in the air.
Bo: I really think we should do all these shots!
Lauren: My work is the will of The Ash. Are you questioning that?
Dyson: Are you questioning my fealty?
Bo: You know what? I’m not even really sure what that is, but I’m pretty sure she was not questioning it.
Lauren: I can speak for myself.
Dyson: When The Ash lets you?
Lauren: Okay. Thanks for the um… fun.
Dyson! Now look what you’ve done. Bad dog.
But anyhoo, let’s go back to Kenzi. She’s at home, watching TV when she spots a note from Bo reminding her that it’s her turn to fold the laundry. Kenzi doesn’t take this very well at all and ends up tossing the basket across the room. This is very unlike Kenzi so I think we can safely conclude that the spider bite is causing her to lash out at the idea of housework.
I suppose that means most of us have, at one time or another, been bitten by a dark Fae.
But I digress. And hey, Bo’s home!
Kenzi: So, you pick a lovah? Or did Dr. Freeze and Canine Crotch fight to death?
Bo: You know, I don’t get it. Dyson is the one that gave me the green light to see other people and Lauren shows up and he gets all testy.
Kenzi: Because he has testes. Dudes tend to get irrationally territorial. It’s a ball thing.
Bo: I knew it meant nothing. I need to stop waiting for that guy to become emotionally available.
Kenzi: Don’t give up yet. His eyes say no but his inner wolf says arooooooyes. And Lauren?
Bo: She’s human. I could kill her.
Kenzi: I thought she fixed your hungry honeypot?
Bo: It’d be a hell of a test run. With someone that I care about.
Kenzi: Poor Bo. So many choices, just one vag.
Bo reminds Kenzi to fold the clothes she just picked up off the floor. But Dark Fae Posessed Kenzi is not into folding clothes so we know nothing good can come of this.
Mr. Evil Spider isn’t happy biting just one resident of the pleasure palace. That, or he’s a perv. Not that one can blame him. So, he joins Bo in the shower.
The next morning, both Kenzi and Bo are feeling a little under the weather. Their heads are hurting and Kenzi is hearing things.
Kenzi: It sounds like whispering kids or giggling elves. Did you bring home elves last night? I’m not judging, I just want to know.
Bo snaps at Kenzi and then apologizes. She’s not feeling well. It’s time to see a doctor.
Lauren tell her that she can’t find anything physically wrong with her and that whatever she’s feeling is likely caused by the injections Lauren’s been giving her. The subject shifts to the failed drinks date from the night before.
Lauren: So, Dyson. What is that?
Before we get an answer, Kenzi interrupts and pulls Lauren away from Bo. Her head is killing her and she needs Lauren to fix her.
Bo, meanwhile, is having… interesting…hallucinations.
Heh, that was fun.
But back to reality. Lauren doesn’t know what’s wrong with Kenzi and figures it could be something in their environment. Bo and Kenzi are more interested in yelling at each other than trying to pinpoint a source and so nothing much gets accomplished.
Bo drops by the police station to give Dyson some leads that she whipped up out of nowhere and also to ask Dyson to run a background check on Kenzi because Kenzi’s acting weird.
In truth, they’re both acting weird. Bo’s anxious and itchy and keeps hallucinating.
Dyson has since discovered that all the murder-suicide victims knew each other and he manages to get the evidence from the other cases. Inside the evidence box they find lots of cobwebs.
What does it all mean?!
Dyson takes the evidence to Lauren who says no known spider could spin a web that intricate. It must be a Fae. Lauren’s gonna run some tests, but first it’s time for Dyson’s check-up.
Lauren: Bo also mentioned that you’ve been extremely tired.
Dyson: Bo said that, huh?
Lauren: Guess she was worried about you. And we’re close. She knows she can talk to me.
Dyson: Yeah, I’m tired, but it’s Bo’s fault.
Lauren: Why is that?
Dyson: Well, if you guys are that close then … just ask her.
Lauren: Sure, Dyson.
Dyson: Do I have to wait for my analysis?
Lauren: No, we’re done here.
Aw, Lauren is jealous. So cute.
Back at home, Bo finds Kenzi hiding from the big giant spider. Bo thinks it’s silly to be that paranoid over an insect but she follows Kenzi to the basement anyway. It’s all very melodramatic.
Lauren phones Dyson with the results of the cell analysis. The type of Fae they’re looking for is called a Djieiene and they’re extremely rare and kind of sucky. And by “kind of” I mean very. The Djieiene is an Underfae that poisons people and makes them aggressive and paranoid. All of these feelings eventually lead to homicidal rage. Always a pleasant combo. Lauren runs down the list of symptoms: headaches, itchiness, paranoia. Gee, sound familiar?
I’m irritated that the writers chose to have Dyson recognize the symptoms in Bo, given that Lauren was just examining both Bo and Kenzi and she’s supposed to be a doctor. But whatever.
Per usual, Dyson puts on his Save Bo cap and struts off. Lauren, meanwhile, has apparently rang some sort of security alarm. I’ll note, though, that she did this before she knew that the Djieiene had Bo.
Over in the basement of doom, Kenzi and Bo are walking around in search of the spider, while simultaneously bickering. The basement is covered in webs, which makes Bo think the spider is not so itsy-bitsy after all. They decide to run away, only to find that the exit is now blocked by a wall of (imaginary) brick. Bummer.
Bo and Kenzi then proceed to argue.
Bo: Don’t panic!
Bo: I don’t know! It’s just something people say.
Kenzi: Yeah, people who lose a wedding ring or gain some weight. Not somebody trapped by a freaking spider!
Bo: Well, I wonder why the spider chose our place what with all the free freaking eats!
Kenzi: Yeah, well now that he’s here maybe you can make out with him. And then maybe you can make out with his best friend and he can die of a broken heart!
By the way, the TV is on and the guy on the screen is telling Kenzi to kill the succubus before the succubus kills her. Kenzi stares at the TV.
Bo: Kenzi! We are trapped in this tomb of a house by a giant freaking spider. Do you think you could tape this?
Thankfully, the rescue team arrives in the form of Hale. Unfortunately, Kenzi and Bo are too far gone to recognize him as a friend. Kenzi holds a katana to his throat while Bo hits him over the head with a frying pan.
Kenzi: Why did you do that?
Bo: He knew about the spider. He’s in on it.
Bo: (pointing to the frying pan) Still dirty!
Anyone else think of Xena just then?
Anyhoo, the two continue to bicker/fight/argue while Kenzi steals a page from the Dexter Morgan book of Tying People Up with Saran Wrap.
On the plus side, Bo’s not completely gone yet. She doesn’t find anything strange about the fact that they’re holding Hale hostage and tying him to a chair. She does, however, find it odd that she’s so mad at Kenzi.
Bo: Why am I so mad at you? Sure you’re a total slob, you’re immature, you have horrible taste in men, and you always need saving. God, you’re awful.
Kenzi: At least I don’t have manfeet.
Bo: This isn’t right. Something’s not right with my head.
This leads Bo to the conclusion that she’s sick. And you know what Bo has to do when she’s sick? That’s right! Feed! Nomnom, Kenzi snack.
Kenzi runs off, though, and Bo doesn’t chase after her, which is probably good for Kenzi. Bo turns instead to Hale.
Bo: You’ll do.
After she’s done feeding, she’s all better. No more crazy. Unfortunately, Kenzi’s already on the looney bus and it doesn’t look like things are going to get much better from there.
Now that she’s all better, Bo decides to go get help. Fortunately, she’s no longer hallucinating a brick wall where the exit used to be. Unfortunately, Lauren’s security alarm called for Bo’s house to be quarantined.
Dyson arrives, none too pleased by this development. On the plus side, he and the new head of security for The Ash have history so she grants him a whole two hours to figure out what to do before they have to set fire to the whole thing.
Bo calls Dyson and tells him she fed off Hale and now she’s good to go. Dyson acts all jealous-like at the news that she fed off Hale but Bo tells him to focus.
Speaking of Hale, guess who’s about to be bitten by Mr. Djieiene?
Dyson tells Bo to keep everyone safe. He’s going to save the day through sheer will and testosterone.
Dyson heads on over to Trick’s bar. Ooh, guess who’s already leading the Save Bo campaign?
Dyson: What the hell are you doing calling in The Ash’s hit squad?
Lauren tries to explain that the Djieiene are responsible for mass murders all throughout history, but Dyson doesn’t care much for logic and reason.
Dyson: You didn’t even give Bo a chance.
Trick: Dyson, she did the right thing.
Dyson: Bullsh*t! Look, I just bought us two more hours until they burn the place down. So you tell me, how do we beat this thing?
Trick: We don’t know.
But don’t worry, they’ll figure it all out in the next ten minutes or so.
Back at the Casa de Crazies, Bo is cautiously searching for the spider. Her weapon of choice: a shovel. She spots the spider crawling slowly across the floor and gives it a good whack. She splits the spider in two, but it just fuses back together.
At the bar, Trick reads out some bad news. The Djieiene buries its heart and destroying the heart is the only way to destroy the Underfae. Conveniently, Bo put together that list of suspects that she apparently got from her dark Fae contacts at some point during the day.
In the list is a name Trick recognizes as a guy that deals in exotic animals. He’s not been seen at the bar in three months, which just happens to be how long ago the murder-suicides started. Since they don’t have a whole lot of time left, my guess is they’re on the right track.
Lauren: I’m going with you. I can identify the heart.
Dyson: This day just gets better and better. Try to keep up.
They sure do like each other a whole lot. At least they have a common goal: Save Bo. Oh and Kenzi, of course. Oh, yes, and Hale.
At the house, Kenzi frees Hale. She’s locked Bo in the basement and agrees to let Hale live if he shows her the way out. None of that seems like a good idea.
Hale’s pretty far gone himself and turns on Kenzi. Kenzi locks herself in Bo’s bedroom, but Hale starts whistling his siren song. I’m not sure what that does, but it seems ominous.
Lauren and Dyson have returned quick-like to Trick’s bar, dragging along a fellow. The guy’s convinced that the Djieiene is his pet and refuses to be of much assistance. That is, until Trick realizes his translation of the text is wrong, and that when he read “bury” what it really meant was “implant.” Lauren discovers two heartbeats in the guy’s chest. Sucks to be that guy.
It also sucks to be Kenzi. Hale’s managed to break into Bo’s room after wasting a lot of time whistling. He’s about to kill Kenzi with an axe, when Bo shows up out of nowhere to whack him over the head with the frying pan again.
Kenzi’s not feeling very grateful, though, and makes a grab for Hale’s gun. She points it at Bo and tells her that she’s got a ten second head start.
The head of security lady calls Dyson to say that time’s up. Dyson asks for five minutes and tries to plead his case but the lady doesn’t listen.
Lauren to the rescue! She manages to get the heart out of the guy’s chest, just as Kenzi catches up to Bo.
Dyson: Kill it, Lauren. Do it.
She does. And the spell is broken. Huzzah! Happiness returned to the land.
Well, almost. There’s still the lady with the flaming hands to worry about.
The phone rings and one of the soldier guys picks up.
Lauren: It’s Dr. Lewis. Call off the cleansing. In The Ash’s name, it’s done.
Whew. That was close.
Later on, in Lauren’s lab, the doctor proclaims Bo and Kenzi good as new.
Bo: So, the spider dies and the venom in our system just sort of evaporates?
Bo: Isn’t that the same thing?
Lauren starts to go into a longwinded medical explanation of the process, but catches herself.
Lauren: …elec…trons…and I’m boring you.
Bo: No! No… science, it’s uh … nifty.
Bo: But what really matters is that you saved us. You’re getting awfully good at doing that. The least I can do to thank you is buy you that drink. If you’ll still let me.
I’m guessing the answer is yes, but we don’t get to see it because we shift to Hale apologizing to Kenzi for trying whistleplode her head. It’s cool, though. Kenzi’s not one to hold grudges.
When we switch back to Lauren, Dyson’s walking up.
Dyson: You would’ve killed Gordon, wouldn’t you have?
Lauren: I’m a doctor. It’s called triage.
Dyson: Call it what you want. I just didn’t think you had it in you.
Lauren: You don’t think much of me, do you, Dyson?
Dyson: You’re inconsistent. First you call a strike on Bo, then you stab a man to save her. I just don’t trust your motives.
Lauren: Well, it’s not your trust I’m interested in.
Dyson: Fair enough.
Lauren: Is it really my loyalties you’re worried about or that this time I was Bo’s hero?
Dyson: You’re the one that almost got her killed.
Back at Casa Benzi, Kenzi is busy folding clothes. She’s still freaked out that she almost pulled the trigger on Bo and Bo admits that if she hadn’t healed herself, she would’ve dissected Kenzi like a frog.
Kenzi: For the record, whatever you do in your entirely personal romantic life, I’ve got you.
Bo: Even when I was feeling stabby, I knew that.
And, because we can’t be rid of him, ever, Mr. Wolfie shows up. With pizza. Someone’s trying to win points for Team Dyson. Fail!
Bo invites Dyson to sit and join them for pizza but he says he’s got a debriefing with The Ash.
Bo: How very Lauren of you.
Dyson: Look, about Lauren, she’s just too close to The Ash. You’re too close to her. It worries me.
Bo: I don’t understand you. You say that you don’t want to be exclusive, that you want to see other people.
Dyson: This isn’t about seeing other people.
Bo: Then what’s it about?
Dyson: I don’t trust her.
Bo: Well, I do. If there’s one thing that I can say about Lauren, it’s that she cares. Are you willing to say the same thing?
Dyson: Fine. You’ve made your decision. Next time you need to heal, you call Lauren.
Bo: Nice talk.
And we finish off this lovely episode, with Kenzi spraying for bugs and Bo looking emo. The life of a succubus is hard. I think even Sue Sylvester would have to agree.
Go Team Lauren!