las aparicio

Las Aparicio Recap Episodes 52-54

The next day, Julia is over at Casa Aparicio talking to Mercedes and Alma about relationships. Mercedes has Big Problems because she wants 24/7 nekkid time with Claudio, and around him she turns into a 21-year old wet t-shirt champion nymphomaniac that wants to kick everyone out of the office so she can … er, going over cases with him. Problem is she doesn’t trust him as boyfriend material.

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Alma also has Big Problems because she wants Alejandro. I mean, Leonardo. I mean, Alejandro. Well, both. At the same time. Maybe. I’m not sure. She’s not sure. No one is sure. Look at him. Now back at me. Now back at him. Now back at me. I’m on a horse.

Julia, for a change, does not have Big Problems. She’s “cool” because she’s got all her feelings in order.

Julia: One of us three had to be totally clear and zen.

Heh. Heh. Oh, wait, I think she’s serious. HAHAHAHAHA!

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Over at a nearby park, Hernan and Mariana walk together and Hernan tells Mariana some tales from when she was little. We learn that Mariana’s first word was, “No.” She liked to say no to everything, even soup. (Like Mafalda!) Her second word was, “Dad,” and Hernan is wondering when he’ll get to hear her say that again. Not quite yet. But they make plans to meet for lunch at Casa Aparicio.

Armando is still attending Alma’s class, and so is this other girl who’s trying to get a life for her clingy mother. I think he thinks she’s pretty. Alma thinks so too because after class she makes him write, “I will not check out hot chicks in Alma’s class,” a hundred times on the whiteboard. Also, I guess he’s invited to the meal at Casa Aparicio because he tells Alma he’ll see her there. Oh. Yay.

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And indeed, over at Casa Aparicio, Armando helps clean some beans in an effort to be “productive.” Mariana arrives and seems somewhat surprised to find Armando there, given that the last time she saw him he was kicking her out of his apartment. He tells them that even if they don’t believe him, he’s intending to take them up on the offer of friendship.

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A little later, Armando molests some beans while Julia and Mariana try to talk about Mariana’s day. Armando attempts to hold a conversation with Aurelia about himself and his classes at Alma’s because he wants to show everyone how enlightened he’s become. Mariana is irritated because mostly, she wants him to go away. But then, he starts comparing a bean to a woman’s G-spot.

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Mariana: … the G-spot is not like a bean. And you’re only learning about this now? Poor you, all these years living in ignorance.

Armando: The G-spot is so wonderful that you only squeeze it and you can project or I don’t know, provoke, a lot of pleasure in a woman.

Mariana: Oh yeah? And how do you know about a woman’s pleasure?

Aurelia: Isn’t the G-spot something you find after many years… and a lot of experience?

Mariana: Well, how strange, because I found it right way, no, my love?

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Julia smiles at that. And then Aurelia cuts the conversation short by asking Armando to set the table. Mariana, left alone with Julia, expresses her annoyance at Armando’s sudden interest in exploring his feminine side. Julia apologizes and agrees that he’s insufferable. But more than finding him insufferable, Mariana is suspicious of his intentions. Julia explains that he called to say he was bored and that he couldn’t do anything with his arm like that, and asked if she could teach him how to cook so he could do something productive with his time and she didn’t know how to say no.

Mariana: That’s the problem with you, Julia, you don’t know how to say no to that guy.

Julia says nothing because it’s true. I guess Julia’s first word wasn’t, “No.”

After dinner, Julia and Mariana are in the kitchen, helping with the dishes. Armando comes in and asks to help. They wonder at his desire to help with domestic tasks but he says that he notes them looking tired and wants to be of aid. Then Julia gets some soap in her eye and Armando beats Mariana to the punch in helping Julia. Mariana walks over to help but Julia doesn’t even notice her.

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Mariana: I’m leaving, Julia.

Julia: What? Why?

Mariana: There are too many hands on one plate.

Way too many. Mariana storms off.

In episode 53, we pick things up a little later that night. Julia is at Mariana’s apartment and the two are arguing about the soap-in-the-eye incident. Julia doesn’t see what the big deal is.

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Julia: It’s only Armando!

Mariana: Oh, it’s only Armando! Julia, you’re going to drive me crazy. I swear to you. You have to understand that he’s your ex-boyfriend. It’s logical that I’m like this.

Julia: You’ve said it. EX-boyfriend, which means past. And you’re now my girl, which means present. Don’t you understand the difference?

Mariana: Of course I understand, but I also see, very clearly, what his intentions are, and they’re not good. And honestly, I’m not cool with it, because I can’t stop thinking that he wants something with you and that there’s something there between you still. I just … no, no…

Blah. Blah. Lesbian arguments. Blah. Mariana tells her she’s had this argument before, with Dany, only that Julia was Armando. Julia asks how that argument ended and Mariana admits that they made up. Julia smiles and asks if she can please approach her now. Mariana, whose picture appears next to the definition of the word “whipped” (right next to Jane Rizzoli’s picture, actually), doesn’t say no, so Julia takes her cue.

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Mariana says that dating Julia is difficult because she feels like Armando’s ghost is haunting everything. Julia finds this amusing. It takes 3.5 seconds of Julia touching Mariana to soften her up into a ball of goo. So, argument over.

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The next day, the two of them are sharing a cute moment alone, which obviously means that Armando is about to show up. But first, Julia asks what Hernan and Mariana talked about the day before and Mariana confesses that they spoke about her and Julia’s relationship. Naturally, Julia wants to know what was said. Mariana tries to be vague, but that doesn’t work.

Julia: I mean, did you tell him about the whole process of how we went from being best friends to being in love?

Mariana: What? You mean you’re in love with me?

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And then the cuteness shrivels up and dies because guess who’s there? Yes. Armando. On the plus side, no one is happy about it.

Mariana: No. It can’t be.

Julia: NooOoOoOoooo.

Armando shows up … with pie. Mmm, pie. Wait, what am I saying? It’s EVIL PIE. Armando made it with “love.” And by love, he means, “I made it so I’d have a reason to show up here and interrupt whatever alone time you two have. Have a slice.”

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They invite him in. They try the pie. It is, unsurprisingly, not very good. Armando thanks them for their honest opinion.

Julia leaves them alone for a second, and Mariana takes the opportunity to face-off with her nemesis.

Mariana: What are you plotting?

Armando: What do you mean?

Mariana: No one believes that you’re trying to find your feminine side.

Armando: The only reason I came here was so you’d try my pie. You’re the one getting all Alpha Male and territorial, not letting anyone near her woman, even if they come with with good intentions.

Mariana: Good intentions my balls, you ass.

Armando: Not good, Marianita. Not good. I can tell you know nothing about women.

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It saddens me to say this, but score one for Armando, because really, Mariana, you’re falling right into his Evil Plot. Jealous Girlfriends are far less attractive to confused lesbisexuals than Men With Pies.