las aparicio

Las Aparicio Recap Episodes 43-45

Later on, Julia’s over and they’re doing what two girls who are in a Complicated Relationship do best together: cook.

Julia: Did you fix everything with your dad? Did you come out of the closet and everything?

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I think Julia should write a book called How To Solve All Your Problems The Julia Aparicio Way. Got an issue? Julia Aparicio can help! Did your father abandon you when you were four? Is he suddenly back? Are you having trouble restoring that relationship? Well, come out of the closet! Problem solved! Are you in love with more than one person at once and can’t decide between them? Are they both in love with you? Well, date them both at the same time and convince them that this is a good idea!

Oops, getting way ahead of myself.

Back to this.

Mariana: It’s not that simple. I don’t want to talk about my sexuality to a perfect stranger like Hernan.

Julia: What do you mean a stranger? He’s your father! What if instead of a picture of Dany he’d found the picture of some guy. Wouldn’t you have told him, ‘Yeah, it’s my boyfriend,’ or something like that?

Mariana: Well, yeah.

But Mariana is scared about being rejected by her father once he knows the truth, which is understandable given her stepfather’s reaction.

A little later, Armando shows up.

No, not that Armando. Armando from the Atelier! Who? Yeah, I didn’t know him either. He’s just there to pick up the food for the cafe.

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Julia also thought it was the other Armando and freaked out.

Mariana: It wasn’t the other Armando. Why, have you talked to him?

Julia: No, of course not. That’s why I almost had a heart attack. I can’t talk to him. What am I going to say? ‘Oh yeah, I’m totally in love… I have a girlfriend.’ I can’t tell him about us Mariana. Not now. He’s got a lot of problems–

Mariana: Could it be that you don’t want to talk to him because you miss him too much and it hurts?

Julia: No. That’s not why. It’s honestly because I don’t want to hurt him. The guy is in a bad place. I can’t hurt him like that right now.

Mariana: Yeah, poor him.

But Mariana gets over it and later on the two of them are in Mariana’s bedroom doing what any two girls in love with each other do when they’re alone in a bedroom together: rehearse for an audition.

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There’s also some tickling.

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And some kissing.

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And some peeping Hernans.

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Don’t worry, Hernan, they’re just practicing for boys.

Like any responsible father who’s just spotted his daughter making out with her best friend, Hernan dives for cover when Julia finally passes by on her way out of the apartment.

Later on, he’s in Mariana’s apartment, trying to figure out how to broach the subject.

Hernan: Mariana, you and Julia are really good friends? I mean, you love each other? You have a lot of affection for one another?

Why yes, Hernan, they like to wrap their legs around each other in friendship.

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Mariana: Yes…why?

Hernan: Nothing … I’m just glad that you have friends like that. And male friends? Do you have many?

Mariana: No. Not many.

Hernan: You get along better with women…

Mariana: Yes… Why are you asking me so many questions?

Hernan: They’re just stupid questions in the process of getting to know you.

Mariana: We both know what you want to ask me. Say it.

Hernan: No but … what do you think I wan to ask you?

Mariana: Seriously. Talk.

Hernan: No…no… I don’t think I want to ask anything else.

Mariana: You know what? If you want to know me, then I think you need to hear it, even though I suspect you already know. I’m gay, Hernan.

Hernan: That’s fine…

Mariana: It’s fine? Just like that?

Hernan then starts babbling about tolerance and diversity which makes Mariana point out that he sounds like a human rights PSA.

From then on it all goes down hill because Hernan successfully hits all of Mariana’s sore points by using terms like “lifestyle” and telling her that people’s close-mindedness will force her to live in secrecy. Mariana argues that she lives more openly than a lot of straight people.

And then Hernan pisses her off some more.

Hernan: I just hope this preference of yours isn’t caused by my abandoning you. That it’s not my fault.

Mariana: Your fault? As if what I am were a bad thing? Don’t worry, Hernan. What I am is nothing bad. It’s a privilege, okay? And you have nothing to do with me.

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Hernan goes on to say that there’s a lot of variables and that him abandoning her might’ve led her to see men in a certain way and that sometimes children see their life experiences as a form of punishment. And so on and so forth.

Mariana: You’re just the same as that asshole American. You know what, Hernan? I already had my process. You weren’t there. I don’t have to be there for yours.

Over at Casa Aparicio, Alma runs into Julia who tells her that she’s now 100% CERTAIN that she’s gay. Mariana’s toaster oven is now in the mail. High five! In fact, Julia’s so sure that she’s gay that she’s signing up for the whole gay package.

Julia: That includes gay wedding, gay adoption, gay pride flag …

Is there a discount if you sign up for the whole gay package at once? I’d like to see the brochure.

Julia is worried about Mariana’s reaction to her Official Coming Out. I’m not sure, but I think all the making out, and the being in a relationship, complicated or otherwise, probably gave Mariana a hint that Julia isn’t straight. But what do I know?

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Alma brings up He Who Should Not Be Named and Julia says that he’s in Spain, he left for Spain. And because Spain is in a galaxy far, far away, it means Julia is free to be gay.

My scientific research concludes that Julia’s sexuality is determined by her distance from points A and M. The further away J is from A, the gayer she is. The closer she is to both A and M, the more confused she is. Note that she only lasted about three seconds away from M. My solution is for Girly to show up and shoot Armando into space. All our problems would be solved.

Alma: Are you totally sure you don’t want anything with him?

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Oh, but that she would say yes.

Alas…