las aparicio

Las Aparicio Recap: Episodes 3-5

Alma (eldest daughter; lots of jobs)

ImageYou remember me talking about that “sweet” stalker of hers? No? Well, good, because he’s not sweet at all. Alma, who is normally a hardass when it comes to men and relationships, begins to cave in to Leonardo’s advances. He just can’t quit her. And she finds that disarming. And at first you’re kind of, “Aww, he likes her like a lot.” And then you see that he’s actually quite creepy and keeps replaying videos of Alma being escorted by the police after her husband’s murder. And he caresses the screen where she sits looking all gloomy at the back of a police car. And you start to think, “That’s weird.” And Alma starts to trust him a little bit more, which makes you nervous for her. Then she starts sleeping with him and spending the night. And then you find out (gasp!) that Leonardo knew her ex-husband and seems to have some sort of weird vengeance demon complex. And then you see him cackling evilly into the night, “I’m going to get you Alma! And your little dog too! MUAHAHAHA!” Only in Spanish and with different words.

In other news, she’s got a daughter, who’s kind of creepy, actually. Or maybe I just don’t know her very well yet. I won’t judge til she kicks a puppy or something. She showed up in episode 5. She’s also got a purity ring that everyone mistook for a wedding ring. Anyway, she seems to be like an older version of Isadora (Mercedes’ daughter): bitter about her father’s death, and effed up psychologically. Oh wait, I’m judging. Nevermind. She seems perfectly lovely for a future serial killer.

Oh and there’s more: one of her Alma’s escorts is in love with her. Secretly-like. He seems sweet. Of course, I’ve been wrong about that before.

Mercedes (middle daughter; recent widdow)

ImageMercedes’ life sucks. Like a lot. I mean, not only is her daughter psychologically on the edge, but her husband croaked while banging some floozy a perfectly respectable lady, and now she’s back to work at her husband’s lawfirm where no one wants her there because she failed to grow a penis in the womb. But then, on top of all that, it turns out her husband committed fraud and now all her assets are frozen.

Meanwhile, her boss/colleague that used to be a friend of her husband’s but really doesn’t want Mercedes working there decides that the best way to deal with a woman like her is to get her to trust him and then, when her claws are down, POUNCE IN A WHIRLWIND OF EVIL RAARRR and take everything from her. There’s a whole boardmeeting about this, with graphics, and PowerPoint.

Things between Isadora (her daughter) and Mercedes seem to be going okay, though, which is nice because Mercedes deserves a break.

Also, she ran into some lady taking pictures of a little boy at school and – because she doesn’t have enough problems of her own – approached her and offered to help her. As it turns out, the lady is in the middle of a messy situation, where she’s been deemed an unfit mother on the basis that she was born biologically male and is – according to the law – the father. Mercedes is all RARR I SHALL GET JUSTICE FOR YOU because Mercedes is full of win.

Rafaela (Matriarch; Professional Widow)

Rafaela’s kind of here and there and everywhere. Most importantly, though, we find out that she’s the one that killed Alma’s husband. Or she had someone kill Alma’s husband. Or something like that. I kind of spaced out during that part. Don’t mess with this lady. Srsly.

Julia/Mariana (and I guess Dany* … and Armando‘s buttcrack)

So, here’s what’s been going on with these two. I can sum it up thusly: Not a whole hell of a lot since their hot make-out scene.

We have one scene where Julia drops by Mariana’s to pick up a book of erotic monologues that she’s going to perform at an audition. She begs (beeegs) Mariana to go with her to the audition and watch her talk seductively into the darkness, but Mariana refuses and tells her to take Armando instead. They have a few cute seconds of sitting practically on top of each other on Mariana’s futon before Dany makes another ill-timed appearance.

ImageIn the end, Armando goes with Julia to the audition. On the way, they run into a hot woman who no doubt got into Armando’s pants at some point in the past, but more to the point, who has information Julia doesn’t have. Something involving Armando possibly going to play soccer for Spain (or Italy?) Julia asks him to explain himself but Armando avoids the subject.

During the audition, Armando drools over Julia’s hotness. And that’s about it.

Meanwhile, Mariana and Dany are chillaxing in bed and Dany voices her insecurities about Julia and about Julia and Mariana. And she says that when the two of them are together it’s like nothing and no one else in the world exist and that she wants to have that with Mariana. But Mariana says no because she’s known Julia all her life and that’s what it stems from. That she relates to Julia as her friend but that Dany is her woman. They have a whole lot of cute moments of kissing and rolling around on the bed, while Mariana tries to put Dany’s fears to rest. She says that even if Julia were the gayest gay in the world, she wouldn’t go for her.

Hahahaha! Raise your hand if you believe that for a second. Didn’t think so.

Anyhoo, later on we’re at Rafaela’s where Mariana and Julia are cooking because something or other happened to Mariana’s kitchen and I don’t remember what it is and I doubt you care either. And they thank Rafaela for the use of her kitchen.

Rafaela says that she loves having them there and then goes on to say to Mariana, “In fact, the other day we were thinking of you and asking ourselves about certain things that we didn’t understand.” Julia, thinking that Rafaela is referring to their conversation about lesbian sex, tells her mother to behave. But Mariana, being clueless, tells Rafaela to go on. So Rafaela goes on, “Aurelia and I were asking ourselves–“ And here Aurelia jumps in to say, “Don’t involve me!” But Rafaela continues undeterred and Julia jumps in to beg her mother to stop and also to tell Mariana not to pay attention to Rafaela. Mariana just looks confused. But Rafaela goes, “Those things you guys do … with flour … and eggs … and bacon…” Mariana doesn’t miss a beat in informing her that they’re mini quiches. Julia just glares at her mother.

(Dear Rafaela: I love you.)

Then Armando arrives to ruin the fun. He goes to greet Rafaela and it’s quite evident that she hates him almost as much as we all do. Julia looks annoyed to see him and then he announces to everyone that the two of them are officially back together and Mariana looks about as pleased as we all are with the announcement (although she hides it well beneath thinly veiled sarcasm). Julia proposes that now that she and Armando are back together and Mariana is together with Dany that the four of them go out together. Mariana looks thrilled by the prospect. Thrilled.

In fact, let me get a screencap of how thrilled Mariana and Rafaela look about this whole Armando thing.

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Mmhmm.

Armando decides to hang around and be annoying so Julia drags him outside to talk. And she’s all irritated that he showed up and he’s all upset that she’s irritated. And blah blah and finally he’s like, “Is it your mom? What does she have to do with anything? Or is it someone else?” Julia looks startled by this but then, instead of answering, she says, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m sorry…” And blames it on stress from work. And they lived happily ever after until the next scene.

Next time we meet Julia and Armando, Armando tries to make advances but Julia rebuffs him on the basis that they need to talk like real people and get to know each other and do stuff besides have sex. She goes on and on about it and says, “Look, Armando, you don’t know anything about me.” And he says, “Unlike Mariana, who knows everything, right?” And she says, “Well, yes.” He says she’s out of line. But that he knows a lot of things about her. She asks like what. He says that for some strange reason that even she doesn’t understand she cries after making love, and that she doesn’t like it too gentle and that she likes it when he bites her right earlobe more than her left one. And that as if that weren’t enough, he also knows that she wonders what it would be like to be with a woman, especially Mariana. She looks at him but doesn’t deny it. He says, “That’s a lot, no? That’s also love.”

And then later on there’s a snippet of her having sex with him and when they’re done she falls onto the bed and when she looks to the side, she sees Mariana there. And I’ll just insert pictures.

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But then she realizes that oops, Mariana’s all in her head.

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Anyway, later I think there’s more of Armando’s buttcrack because this show really likes Armando’s buttcrack. But in terms of Julia and Mariana, we’ve got a double date scene where they’re playing a sort of Truth or Dare – minus the dare? – part. I don’t know. They’re answering questions. And Armando makes one up while pretending that it’s written on the card and asks Julia that if you’re starting to suspect that your girlfriend is bisexual and has the hots for her lesbian best friend, should you ask her about it.

Dany, of course, sees right through all this and tells Mariana it’s time to go. Mariana seems pretty oblivious. When they’ve left, Julia gets all annoyed at Armando and Armando tells her to answer the question. But when Julia finds the card, she sees that it’s not at all what he read. He says that despite all of his efforts she still prefers to be with Mariana. Julia has nothing to say to that.

And there’s really not much that happens in the rest of the episode.

So, I’ll leave you with a couple of screencaps.

This is how Julia looks at Mariana (and Dany):

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Is she thinking … threesome? Is she thinking … How can I kill off Dany and dispose of the body without anyone finding out?

Hmm.

Continue on to the next recap: Las Aparicio episodes 6-13!

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*I saw the name spelled as Dany on something relatively official, but I forget what now. Maybe Erendira Ibarra’s AfterEllen interview? Anyway, I’m going with that spelling for now. If it’s wrong, feel free to correct me.