It’s a rainy morning here in Lyon. Currently it’s 8:42 in the am, and my numero uno goal for the day is to stay UP. This would be much easier if I weren’t… you know, old. I’ll be lucky to make it until noon.
I watched The Amityville Horror earlier and this is what I learned: If you’re house hunting and the real estate agent is like, “So, yeah a bunch of people got murdered here and it was quite horrific and bloody and something about hearing voices – do you still want the house?” The answer should always be no. Especially if the house is an old Victorian. Trust me. It’s probably haunted. And you will probably die.
So to review:
- No parties in a cornfield – especially if some people just got murdered in your town.
- That goes double if some people got murdered in your house.
- Don’t go up the stairs when you should be running out the front door.
- Don’t buy creepy looking houses that people got brutally murdered in.
- If you’re sitting in the kitchen and the cabinets suddenly burst open and crap starts flying out, maybe leave instead of staying to pick up said crap.
- Don’t make deals with demons.
- Don’t live in a town with a sheriff cause that’s just asking for creepy stuff to happen.
- Don’t strip naked and jump into a misty lake in the middle of the night when the person you’re calling for doesn’t answer you.
- Don’t fall asleep.
- Don’t stay awake.
- Unless you’re Sidney Prescott – then you can do whatever you want cause you’re basically immortal.
- And kick-ass.
- And pretty.
Okay, now that I’ve saved your life (unless you’re Sidney Prescott), my job here is done and I think it’s time for more coffee.