Lately, I’ve been focusing most of my energy into finding my purpose, which I think sounds a bit dramatic and over the top, but it really just boils down to finding what makes me happy and living my life in accordance with that. I have never been the sort to wander through life listening to other people’s desires. I am very much the sort of person that does what she wants to do and follows her heart.
The times when I’ve done as others wished me to do have been the times I’ve been the most unhappy. I have a lot of trouble going against what I feel is the right thing for me, which is not to say that I move through life living as selfishly as possible. I mean only that I don’t let my friends or my family or society as a whole influence the choices I make.
I understand the norms and I understand the things that other people value as important, but these things – going to the best school possible, getting the highest paid job possible, attaining financial stability and therefore success – have never been my focus. I have always felt that my path was somewhere else entirely.
The problem is that until very recently I hadn’t stopped to wonder what that path is. I have listened to my heart and made decisions based on what felt right to me at the time. But I have always felt like something was missing.
I have known for most of my life that I wanted to be a writer. When those around me stressed out about what they wanted to do with their lives and what to study and what to become, I felt sad for them. I couldn’t relate. I was 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16 and I already knew what I wanted to be because I already was what I wanted to be.
I knew that supporting myself financially might be a struggle and I was prepared to work at whatever job I needed to work at because the job itself didn’t matter. What mattered was that I was a writer and nothing would ever keep me from that.
Moving to France
I made some important, life-changing decisions when I was 24. I decided I would put my fears aside and follow my heart again. I’d fallen in love with someone in a different country, in a different continent, even, and I knew I had to choose between being miserable and apart, or taking a chance and being together. So, I took that chance and moved.