When Ann McMan offered to send me a free copy of Aftermath and asked if I’d review it, my first thought was, ‘But I was about to buy it anyway’ and my second thought was, ‘Then again, free stuff is way better than not-free stuff.’ And my third thought was, ‘Ann McMan wants me to review her book!’ That’s like getting invited to sit at the cool kids’ table!
But then I told her I didn’t really do reviews, because I’m not very good at doing things that normal people do. “But,” I said, “I can do something like a review.” And she was like, “Okay!” and I was like, “Great!” And I’m pretty sure neither of us knew what I meant by that.
So this is my sort-of review of Aftermath, which is actually not like a review at all. In fact, I don’t know what this is, but it will include drawings of things that may or may not be relevant.
let’s talk about books, baby
Aftermath is the sequel to Jericho. If you’ve not read Jericho then you should start there. In fact, I’m surprised you haven’t read it seeing as it was #1 on Amazon’s list of bestselling lesbian fiction, and won a bunch of awards, and I’m pretty sure got knighted by the queen.
Jericho taught me a lot of things. Most importantly, it taught me that eating Cheetos helps alleviate sexual frustration. I did not know that. Prior to reading the book, I always equated Cheetos with small penises.
‘Why small penises, Ingrid?’ you ask. Well, I will tell you.
A long, long time ago, when I was a teenager, I was writing a young adult series called Baldwin High. In this series, I had a character named Drake whose penis, I described, as being very small. My BFF, James, asked me just how small it was, and at that precise moment, entirely by chance, my other BFF, Frances, pulled out a tiny Cheeto from the bag she was eating from and held it up for us to see.
The three of us stared at it in awe. It was as though the skies above us had parted and a host of angels dropped down from Heaven, pointed to the microscopic snack food, and said, “That’s totally a small penis!”
I have never looked at a Cheeto the same way again.
But then I read Jericho, and I learned that Cheetos are actually a great cure for sexual frustration, which, as a lesbian, made little sense to me, given my prior association with Cheetos. So, I meditated long and hard on the subject, and after my leg went numb from sitting in the lotus position, I had an epiphany: Ann McMan is older and wiser than I will ever be, so she is surely correct on this matter.
And once the feeling returned to my leg, it was as though the skies had once again parted, and the same host of angels dropped down from Heaven and said, “Thou shalt now eat Cheetos without feeling icky!” And I did. And all was right in the world.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Jericho changes lives.
Thank you, Ann.
But back to Aftermath.
Aftermath is the story of a tornado. I will call it Suzy.
I don’t want to say too much and give anything away, but stuff happens. Suzy’s all, “IMMA THROW THIS CAR AT YOU!” And the people of Jericho are like, “You didn’t just throw a car at us!” And Suzy’s like, “ALSO, I’M GOING THROW SOME BLEACHERS ON TOP OF A BELOVED CHARACTER!” And the readers are like, “NoooOoooOooOoooOoooo!” And Suzy’s like, “Chillax, homies! Peace out.” I’m pretty sure that’s how tornadoes talk.
The point is: Suzy totally threw a car at them, and put Syd in danger and gave me a heart attack. But then I ate some Cheetos and chillaxed, and kept reading.
Now, you’re probably thinking that I’m going to say you should run out and buy Aftermath and read it and love it and do naughty things to it at night, but that would be predictable. I’d rather remain an enigma.
since i’m on the topic of enigmas
For the longest time I thought “enigma” was the same as “enema” and once a teacher forced me to use “enigma” in a sentence in front of the whole class, and I said something like, “My grandpa uses an enigma to help him poop.” And everyone laughed.
I’m so glad I finally have a reason to share that story. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that Ann McMan changes lives.
where was I?
Oh, yes. Aftermath. I will leave you with the following diagram, which I hope helps to summarize everything I’ve written here today:
where to buy
Jericho and Aftermath are available in online and local retailers worldwide. Here’s a few links: